Spiritually, sex is an energy that bonds you and your mate together. Which is why a good — if not fabulous — sex life is often referred to as the “glue” that makes marriages stick. If things aren’t going well in the bedroom, it follows that they’re probably not going well in other areas of your relationship.
Commit to moving your sex life up on your leader board of priorities, whether you’ve been in a sexual slump or you’ve put other demands ahead of sex. Believe it or not, tells Liam ext. 9290 a psychic sex and relationship expert, ” It’s the long term couples — the ones who aren’t novices in the bedroom together — who are the most likely to achieve the greatest sexual heights.”
If you’re committed to making a fresh start in the bedroom, or have the desire to keep growing and exploring together with some fresh ideas, Liam’s offers his sensual performance tips.
Sexual communication
Your body during sex is your greatest communication device. Some people find it hard to talk about sex, so learn to vocalize with your body. Use your body rhythms, breathing, your kisses, simple cues, and of course the sounds you make during passion to speak for you. If you can’t talk about your fantasies, write them out and exchange them. (No judgment or jealousy – please!) Or, find a book of fantasies, pick one that you like and read them to each other.
Sensual sex
Though we all have (at least ) five senses, people forget to take in their partners with more than just their eyes! If you haven’t been intimate in some time, revisit their entire being, not just their erotic spots, through touch. Massage is always a good start, even if it’s a simple hand or foot rub. Wear a sexy scent that makes you feel excited — your partner can sense that feeling! Change up the fabrics on the bed, the floor around the bed or in the clothes you wear on your body. Snuggle up as one and listen to each other breathing. Close your eyes and imagine what your partner is feeling. Concentrate on your energies and all of the sensations between you, not just the vision before you.
Sexual fusion
The idea of sex is to meld two energies into one. Mirroring each other’s breath, mirroring each other’s movements and body rhythms, looking into each other’s eyes, using the rhythm of music, inhaling the scent of candles or flowers, enjoying the feel of each other’s skin against skin against the warm bed… all of these are elements that allow us to lose ourselves in one another and finally become one. “It’s a true sensual expression of your teamwork as a couple,” Liam describes. “Just as dancers, skaters, athletes move beautifully together, sex also benefits from years of repetition of these practices.”
Most importantly, Liam underlines, remember that we are all vulnerable during sex. Leave resentments, judgments, criticism outside the bedroom door and you’ll find that the desire to explore your life as a sexual couple will become easier and easier over time. Even if the passion to renew your intimacy seems to be unequal at the beginning — you’re the one keeping up a sex diary, promoting the fun and the games that are leading to bedroom play — in the end, sexual energy will permeate your partner and your relationship. It’s contagious!
Have you been in a sexless partnership? Did you ever find your passion together again?
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17 thoughts on “Sexploration Methods That Work”
How long in a relationship do you go with out hianvg sex?*no more than a wkIs sex that important in a relationship?*absolutely importantWhat if you were hianvg sex with your partner before you became a couple, but after the sex stop, how would you feel?*very hurt to start Do you feel if your partner isn92t hianvg sex with you, they are hianvg sex with someone else?*depends.What does it mean if you partner says no sex because 93we are there yet94?Do you feel lonely in your relationship without sex?*hell yes!What if there is NO intimacy at all, what should you do?*ask why, can it be fixed, if not them leaveIs the problem caused by your partner talking only bout SEX. Everything revolves around SEX?*hey it’s important, so why not talk about it?Could it be because you & / Or your partner don92t feel good about their body?*yesIs it because sex between you and your partner is WACK?*maybe but that would be found out in the first few sessions wouldn’t it?Could it be your sexual education is way lower than your partner or vise versa?lol. Education? how about drive? sometimes ppls drives change and you and your partner aren’t on the same sex page and that’s okay. Choices are either stay and work it out, not work it out and or leave it alone and keep it movingWhat if your partner is not able to rise to the occasion, do you up and leave?*it’s understandable that one of the partners will just not be able to rise up for the occasion, it happens. However, if it’s repeatedly, then somethings up and should be addressed.If your the one holding out, what is it that your partner needs to do to help correct this issue?*sexual blackmail is just wrong no matter which partner is holding out. Why bother being in a relationship if someone tries to control the other one by holding out? Why does the holdee feel they can treat their partner with this type of action? Holding out is the act of power tripping, imho
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Re: Shay, “What is happening to us” ….. How can anyone be in their 40’s and still use the number “4” instead of the word “four” and the letter “U” instead of the word “you” like a twenty-something “texter” but still be expected to be taken seriously? Equally, how can someone be in a stale relationship for 18 years and not realize it?
What is happening to us. I have been in a relationship (living with) 4 18 yrs. I am in my 40’s …he is in his 60’s. We were the best of friends …this kept us going. I am very passionate & put the passion aside 4 my career. I am having a fling w/ someone that gives me more than ever in just the few minutes that we r together. I get more pleasure chatting w/newly acquired people. How can U be w/someone that long & still never realize that it should have ended & make the decision to leave? I don’t know what it is it going to take for me to move on. Life circumstances make things so complicated. We need to talk
Thank you, Jay, for sharing your story. I found it remarkable on several levels, and there is so much that might aid your situation. There are methods, movements, certain motions if you will, designed for just such a tender situation. When you have learned how to impliment them confidently your beloved bride will melt at the thought of not only your touch, but your very presence. However, dealing with this sort of situation takes two prequisite components: Understanding and Patience. It is totally understanable that you might fear the worst in this situation; that your
wife no longer finds you sexually alluring. And I do indeed fear that probably some of your fear is indeed valid. But, don’t panic. I’m quite certain she desired you once not long ago, and if that was the case then the sparks are still there, just waiting to be rekindled…
It is not uncommon for a woman to lack desire for her spouse after either conception of a child, or after the birth itself. Not only is she almost completely taken up with the care of this new life the two of you have brought into the world, but often there is a little whisper from the jungle, telling her that her job with you is finished, and its time perhaps to move onto other mates for the sake of
genetic diversity. This doesn’t mean she finds you necessarily unattractive. It’s simply that, the biological task being fullfilled, her passion has naturally dwindled. Lucky for us humans, we’re very
creative creatures, able to work with nature to overcome such interludes
of confusion and emotional sterility. Through all this please keep in mind that your spouse is undergoing a major alteration of her identity. She is no longer a maiden; no longer a sexual being of the more spritely, coquettish variety. She has been bathed in the blood and tears of Mother Nature and emerged a totally new and blessed creature. A mother … An achetype that is far more potent sexually than a maiden can ever be … Yet, it is very, very different, this new role. Different, and sometimes very frightening. Keep these points in mind.
Do you love her? I think you do. And if you do, then you must win her. You must make it a mission to reignite her dormant passions, her slumbering sexual response for you. It is imperative for you to understand that she needs to be made love to now. Not sexed. Sex is easy. Making love is a process, a courtship layered with sensuality and suggestion. You
are going to have to begin the dance anew, just as you once did years ago, and this time,
with more vigor, for it is very her heart that’s at stake; and she is a
very different creature than the girl you once held close. Fight as if
you’ve nothing left to lose. Redefine your role with her. Bewilder her with delights and mysteries. Most of all, for now, forget about sex in any form. Maybe for a long time you’re not to even suggest the actual act, since pressuring her, even in the slightest, will cause severe
turmoil for her. She feels bad enough, I assure you. Look to your own needs for a while, knowing in time, she’ll come to you as she never has before, and far more often.
Try to see her as a conquest, and let her know she is seen that way, often. But be gentle, very gentle and kind. We men are a little … No, we’re alot foolish. We expect often that if we had sex before, we should simply have it again, but after such major life changes as child birth, it just
isn’t that simple.
Begin by indulging in romantic pass times. Take up reading poetry….try your hand at writing it as well. Pay meticulous attention to your appearance (this is no time to be complacent in that area). Start involving yourself in more sensual and earthly pursuits, such as
have been mentioned in previous articles. Study her. Watch her all the
time. Let her know she’s being watched. But do so without ever once suggesting a jaunt to the bedroom. Let her wonder as to your thoughts and expectations. Remember always that a woman is seduced via her mind first … The acutal delights of the flesh are a later prize…even an entirely seperate issue. Her likes, her dislikes…find what they are. The experiences she has just had may have changed them. Spy on her reading habits, her television viewing. We spoke of archtypes in the other article. So, which does she like best? Knights in shining armor? Doctors who are gentle yet firm? How about nasty bad boys with a devil-may-care-attitude? If you don’t know her formulas by now, you’d better find out. Then, alter your persona accordingly. You’ve aspects of all these archtypes within, my friend. Exploiting them for pleasure is a most worthwhile pursuit.
Also, take up certain practices on your own … Like studying Vama Marga (the
sexual ritual branch of Tantric Yoga), erotic massage, etc. And don’t
bother telling her why you’ve taken up such interests. Rather, instead,
sort of hide what you’re doing, in a slightly haphazard fashion. The power of suggestion and the potence of mystique are our most certain allies
in seduction.
And most certainly, find a reader you enjoy on this line, get some advice, and tailor your own process. A good love psychic, of which we have many, will coach you; all people are different, and your wife will perhaps need a strategy designed for her as a unique individual. Some of our readers are legendary for their knowledge in this area.
Your reading assignment: Anything by the Anais Nin.
You mission is clear, Jay, and my thoughts will be with you. I almost
envy you, my friend. The freshness of the chase, the rapture and delerium
of pursuit and surrender … Please see this as the divine and enchanting dance that it is, and you will not fail. I salute you.
Wow Hamlin that’s really sad. Did you ever have a good connection. Don’t mean to pry, just can feel your pain. Do you really think he’s the best person for you? Am just wondering cause once upon a time I was in a bad marriage and never thought anyone else would love me the way he did, and I found out I was very very wrong after I finally left him.
My partner refuses to have any sexual contact and will only kiss on the cheek. He rarely hugs me, however in other ways he makes time for me and we have shared values etc.. I find this very difficult as I know I’d struggle to find someone as compatible on a daily basis but it is painful without any physical intimacy. On occasions if he has thought I may leave him he will but this reverts .. its as though it’s a peace offering
The best part of the sensual sex you’re talking about Liam and letting your body speak for you is that you learn to love giving to your partner and as you make them feel good, you also feel good… When you focus on your partner, you feel so much more yourself, I highly recommend it. When I tell my girlfriends this, and many have had really interesting lovers (one a few celebs), they say the guy should be doing the work. I don’t think so. What do you think? Anyone agree with me.
I am married with my love for five years but since we had a baby we hardly have sex amymore .my love keeps telling me first she was tired and second she says she feels fat and sometimes pain and some times fear of getting pregnant and even telling me she hate sex.I feel terrible as I always wants to have sex.some times I feel I am not attractive to her anymore and all sorts of thingd going through my head.What should I do?
My marriage had no sex for more than seven years. My ex wasn’t interested in counseling so we divorced. The problems usually run deeper than simply sex. I’m now with a beautiful woman, inside and out, and its been great going on six years after being married for 22 yrs.its been better and more frequent sex that I’ve ever had in my life. I’m 51 now and having the best sex ever.
I was in a 14yr marriage going no where. HE stopped having sex with me for the last 8yrs of it, and woul’nt sleep in bed with me! I ended the marriage. Im 44 and young at heart and in good shape. I found a man who is a bit younger then me… he is only 28.. but is wise beyond his yrs!! He is an awesome lover, friend, and we become one when we make love. I never thought I would have those feelings or feel that again. And when we are done we spoon and fall asleep in each others arms just laying there feeling each other. Its really wounderful. Its beautiful. He makes me feel like a woman, and I think I make him feel like a man!
I`ve been with my boyfriend now for 16 years. We probably have sex once every three months or so. I don`t feel sexy with him and now I am thinking of having an affair. I want to feel beautiful again, I am 43 years old and he makes me feel like I am 70. He doesn`t look at me the way he used to. He only kisses me when he leaves, and I`m talking about a peck not a long passionate kiss. I don`t even remember when wa the last time we had an intimate kiss. I can`t talk about it, he says it`s all in my head. What should I do?
please help
lonely in canada
hi liam my sex life is like hell 1st of all i do not kiss my husband or romance him he showers like 1 time per day he never looks sex appealing to me i tried other guys to make sure its not about my nature and i kiss romance & feel good i am married 25 yrs & did not kiss my husband in about 13 yrs if i lie next to him & he touches me i get no feelings i have to think about someother acatavities before i can get a sex feeling & most of all he is the all for money type can u advice me what to do i just cant go up 2 him & try romanceing he dnt have the appeal
I left an 11 Yr. Marriage for better Sex… It was worth it – more details if you want