A controversial new book by Holly Hill, “Sugarbabe,” indicates that women should let their men cheat on them. It suggests that couples with unmatched libidos should arrange for “negotiated infidelity” with a “sugarbabe” – that is, that women with out of control husbands should set up a woman for them to have sex with on a part-time basis… and even pay them.
Lemondrop reports:
“Women who cross their legs deserve to be cheated on.”
That statement basically sums up the premise behind Aussie psychologist Holly Hill’s new book, “Sugarbabe: The Controversial, Real Story of a Woman in Search of a Sugardaddy,” which hits shelves this month. Among some of Hill’s more fascinating theories: Couples who want to stay together should try out “negotiated infidelity,” with a “sugarbabe” who acts as what we can best describe as a surrogate wife meets Hooters waitress. And who, by the way, is paid for ministering to your man.
The author of the book – an Australian in her 40s – worked as a “sugarbabe” for 12 months before writing the book, at the rate of $1,000 a week. She decided to work as a professional mistress after her wealthy boyfriend dumped her – and started her career by posting a classified ad looking for a sugar daddy. She ended up with five of them. It was from this experience that she drew the material for her book, and the conclusion that men should be allowed to blow off steam from marriages with selective side-sex. (See the article for the interview.)
Now a successful self-help author, Hill lets her own current partner of two years cheat on her… as long as he doesn’t spoon. (Seriously!)
What do you think – is this reasonable? Would you let your man have a “sugarbabe”??
15 thoughts on “Should We Let Men Cheat?”
Yes, love this. In fact – I’ve told my husband I like this idea. I would allow my husband to do this in a minute if I was given the courtesy and respect to be told/asked so that I could have the option to decide if I could actually “live with” this arrangement or not prior to my husband entering into sexual relations with another person. The problem is this – this rarely happens in america. Men are too scared to approach their sexually repressed/closed minded wives because of the repercussions of “DIVORCE.” You know the taking of half (50%) of the man’s stuff and all… Men don’t like to part with their stuff it seems. Even if the woman has poured her heart and soul into acquiring all that “stuff” that the man thinks he owns outright. Men are greedy but then they call women greedy when it comes to splitting things down the middle. A man isn’t greedy when he goes out and screws another woman without telling his wife so she can have the benefit of choosing whether or not she wants to stay in the relationship. No, that is “self preservation.” Women are GREEDY when they ask for half of what’s rightfully theirs though after deciding (using reality as their basis) “hey, if I know he’s with another woman I won’t be able to look at him. I’ll want to follow him and put a gun to both of their heads. Maybe I can’t handle this because I’m not grown up enough for it so I’d better say – bye bye and take my half of the pot and find someone who only wants to be with me (if there is someone like that out there).” I, myself, like the idea because it’s honest and if I knew that he loved me and was committed to me and was just screwing her without talking about me or belittling me in any way (etc) while with her I’d be totally okay with it. Of course, I’d want the same right and privilege to apply with me… Fair is fair right?
What is the point of being in a relationship if you’re going to sleep around?? And it’s not technically cheating if you have your partners blessing anyway. That’s what we call an ‘open relationship’. If after years of being with your partner, or eve months, your bored, maybe you should consider letting your spouse go and finding someone more suited to your needs. At the end of the day, sleeping with someone else only leads to problems. Jealousy, pain, lack of trust. It just so happens that there are some women who want sex more than men, and some men who want sex less than women. All i’m trying to say is, if the flame went out, let it go while you can still be friends.
This is an interesting topic. There are some men out there who can spend years paying for sexual services because of not getting some form of sexual interest at home due to whatever reason. They still want to hold onto their marriage. But then there are those other men who cheat with other women and actually think they have fallen in love with her and then ruin the relationship or marriage. It all depends on the man and the relationship. I think it is completely wrong for Holly Hill to say “Women who cross their legs deserve to be cheated on.” I have a 70 yr old client who’s partner needed time and space, as she felt depressed and thought life was greener on the other side. This man decided to pay to go to a massage parlour so that he would not become emotionally attached to anyone. It took 7 yrs for his wife to get over what she needed to and now they are back together again. My point is, when a woman has her legs crossed, it means she’s going through something. And the one thing she needs the most is her partner to understand this and give her what she wants until she overcomes this. I have been through this myself too. The last thing the woman needs is for her partner to turn his back on her and have an affair (emotional combined with physical without paying) with another woman. Paying a sex worker is the only way for emotional detachment with sexual relief. I get my source from working in adult massage.
Why drag someone else into a sordid relationship – if you pay them, agree upon it, or not? That just makes things worse, and much more complicated, almost impossible, to remedy. More oft than not, love triangles are the symptons of one of the mates being a low self-esteemed narcisstist, who needs a lot of help and is not making any new friends for their philandering efforts. LOL
‘Should we let men cheat?” NO!!!!! Neither should women cheat. That’s not what the vowels of marriage are all about. If it comes down to cheating because it’s ‘not working out’ then ‘get out’!!
Indigodance are you 15 years old? You don’t know that at 40 a woman is hotter than before.
about the book, what happen when is by the other way? He can leave her has an affair?
I am so sick of tired of hearing what men need. Guys Women need it to. To think that we are coming to a age where women are even thinking about leting their husbands cheat in anyway is ludicrous!!! Yeah neither partner in a relationship needs to with hold sex. But if you look farther into it. The lust fades loves fades. You have to get it back. Bring her home flowers. Take her on date. Do housework for a week. Don’t take each other for granted. Women let him go on a fishing trip with his male buddys. Men stop letting the sex feel like wham bam thank you maam. Give her what you did in the beginning. If shes gained weight or vice versa and your not attracted to her anymore let them know. Tell each other how you honestly feel. There are toys that can spruce up the intamancy in the bedroom. Role play. If you have ever been cheated on theres feelings that come with that. If you buy sex for your husband/wife those same feelings will come back to haunt you. Remember being in a relationship your a team. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Let the kids spend a night with a relative. Then plan out your whole evening. Remember relationships are 50/50 and yes men so is the house work. Even if you have a stay at home wife! Get out your routine. Remember kids dont always have to come first. Do your needs every once in a while. And to the 72 people that clicked like you should be ashamed very very ashamed!!!!!!!!!!
Please! I have had enough of what men need! The reason many woman stop enjoying sex with there partner is because the men no longer take the time to show their woman love respect and passion they need to be satified. I am very sure that there are many men in my town who would be happy to step in and “service” these woman on a regular basis, for Free. Yes, boys, the cat is out of the bag. Woman have needs too. Don’t beleve me just look at all the romance novals on the market today. Hot, romantic, sex!
How about the pool boy or the cute UPS man. Yes woman I know you have had the passion to think about them.
For $1000 dolars a week I would say “oh baby, your the best ever” to my husband even if I was not enjoying my self. Men are taught that it is ok to cheat because it in in their DNA to do so. Woman are taught that if they even think about having open care free sex the heavens will open up and take their first born and be left with VD. Marrage is work on both parts adding more trouble is just going to distroy the marrage! Stop giving excuses for men. Woman need to open up the window yell out “I am horny and I need good sex too”:)
Christine
This shows me how far off track we are sexually, caused from our lack of education on what it takes for a man to please a woman. This writer shows her ignorance to the workings of the female brain. 98% of women are in prison due to a man, WHY? The female brain. She falls in to his trickery believing his words when he says I love you, not her fault, it’s her biology. After studying sex 20 years this is becoming more and more evident. She seeks sex for affection, men seek it to remove eh hem an uncomfy body part. In the little evidence we have to be seen in the longevity of a good sexually balanced relationship, I will cite Paul Newman and Joann Woodward, who used this style in their very long and happy monogamous relationship. Few men are aware of the outstanding fantasy abilities that can be unleashed by a man that understands a woman’s brain, and it does need to be developed over time to become better and better and better. Even fewer women know they have this amazing ability, more famously seen in the disney movie Beauty and the Beast. This woman finally found it in her affairs, so sure it felt good to her. To bad she and her first husband were ignorant to it. Men are ignorant to it because they are raised on playboy, cybersex and quick porn with fake women, which is made by men for men. I do not see this as a solution but rather a stepping stone of what not to do, because it dumbs down the woman’s brain and destroys her fantasy abilities in time.
Ok. Indigodance… 40 is not dead, nor is it close to being dead or decrepit. I might add that 50 is not either. I agree with all the comments here – the type of situation described by Ms. Hill is counter-productive, in my view, to true intimacy. He should be able to “blow off steam” WITH his partner. The relationship should be able to survive true open communication. I do NOT agree with Indigodance about the inference that at 40 anyone should consider themselves “done” with life or desirability.
As an Australian, I cringe reading this knowing this woman is a fellow Aussie and how that projects to our overseas friends.
Tansy, most Australians would agree with you and say this sounds like a “prostitution” situation. This woman sounds like she wants the the physical and monetry benefits without any real intimacy and commitment. My feeling is that she does not want to get hurt again and has convinced herself that by doing things in this way, she can control the situation and not get too emotionally invested.
To tell every other woman this is the way to go about maintaining a relationship is just plain wrong. It’s one thing to be afraid of having a committed relationship yourself, but it is another to tout it as the way to go for other couples who really do want to be committed, faithful and work out any issues as they arise. I for one would not settle for being “one of” the women in my man’s life or even “the main woman” and I feel to agree to a mistress/prostitute is a cop out. If you can’t work together to sort through any problems together, then you should not be in a relationship together in the first place. Why settle for something less than you really deserve.
It sounds more like one big excuse for her own behaviour. In 40’s I would hardly call her a “sugarbabe” bit old for that. Looking for sugar daddy ??? god, he would have been old !!! Probably hoping he was about to pop off and leave something in the will.
The term wealthy boyfriend and being dumped – just smacks of sour grapes. Hence charging $1,000 a week she must be a type of woman thats able to use her body and with no shame, using it with vengence – I wouldnt get a $1,000 a month even if I went into the gutters…
Fact is, bottom line – she is a paid prostitute and hasnt got the guts to admit it. Even most mistresses dont get that sort or reimbursement.
Hi,
That kind of takes the word commit out of commitment doesn’t it?
How about this scenario……relationship/sex counseling ?????? Where ” she ” learns to loosen up a bit, sexually speaking…..and he learns to help her loosen up a bit, sexually speaking……instead of taking the easy way out with another partner.
Otherwise, why stay married ?????
Not to sound like a prude…..I CAN see, in RARE cases, where the wife might be OK with her hubby seeking gratification with another, I can still remember reading for the dying wife with MS who could not perform sexually who wanted her husbands needs fullfilled, and even suggested a suitable sex-buddy and even helped him choose one.
But those cases are rare, ….. as my Grand-Aunt used to say ” Can’t and won’t are two different things”.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Honestly, I really don’t like sounding like an outraged Victorian schoolteacher, but-the basic premise this woman writes about is disgusting. I can think of practically no other way to fragment a relationship so quickly. What kind of marriage vows do they take in her world?
I still believe if two people have a sexual problem, emotional problem, whatever, they should work on it together and not bring a third person into their partnership. (When they do bring another in, what do you call that overall relationship, a corporation?)
And by the way, what is called a professional mistress where she lives is called a prostitute where I live. I know that I am being judgmental in my remarks but I find it upsetting to find what is basically a betrayal of love and trust promoted so blatantly.
Tansy
Ext. 5289
Hi,
It’s an interesting concept that may work for some, but I think it would be tough for me. The addition of a third party to a relationship would seem to dilute some of the intimacy, particularly the non-physical intimacy.
I have absolutely no judgment on what others decide is best for their relationships or personal intimate lives, I just feel in all honesty it would be something that would be difficult for me to live.
Sincerely,
Maryanne
Ext. 9146