Is a man who is secretive playing you? This is a big question especially when he makes promises and seems sincere. You may even help him when he asks. But when it comes down to it and the only thing that he’s around for is sex, you might just be getting played.
Is it for Real, Or Did You Just Get Played?
Angela asks:
I met a man on holiday, and found an instant connection. He travelled back and forth for business and said he would move to my city. After several weeks he asked if I could pick up an airline ticket, and I did. When he was with me I paid for everything. He told me he was financially tapped out because of support and home obligations. He said he lived in the same house as his wife and kids… red flag, but he had no one around most of the time. The last weekend he spent with me I drove him back to the city, and we loved so completely in the morning. He said he loved me, and I would pick him up again on Thursday night. He went home unexpectedly on Tuesday, then wrote an e-mail saying that his kids needed him and that to keep their home and lifestyle up he could not come back. He said he loved me so much that when he was with me he was always happy, but he felt bad because of the kids (18, 22, 24 ). He won’t return my phone calls or e-mails. I just can’t believe this; it seemed like the real thing. Help.
Dear Angela,
I wish I could tell you that it was the real thing for him, but from what is sounds like, this guy is simply a con; and if you truly think about it, you knew absolutely nothing about him.
A man who keeps his life a complete secret and asks you for money for a ticket and everything else, is usually simply a fraud who is probably doing the same thing to other women as well. Usually, the stories they tell you are completely made up and there is no way for you to research any of it, because you don’t know where he is living and maybe not even what his full name is.
Honestly, I think this guy did you a favor. If he would have stuck around he would have probably just asked for more “help,” while giving nothing in return. Men like him usually do not have a conscious, so we will never be able to fully grasp their actions.
My advice to you, dear Angela, is to move on. Stop contacting him and do not respond/answer if he tries to contact you. There is something extremely fishy going on here and guys like him can cause severe emotional and financial damage. From his actions he has proven to you that he is dishonest, disloyal and manipulative. These are three most important reasons to not enter a relationship with anyone. Don’t dissect the feelings you had too much. Sometimes we fall for the wrong people because they are often so good at bringing out something that we have been missing, or they pretend to be what we need at the time—usually for their own gain.
I can guarantee that you will find someone who is not a two-timing jerk and he will have true intentions for a meaningful and honest relationship with you. And next time, do not ignore the red flags, especially when they are screaming at you, like they did this time.
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8 thoughts on “Speak Up: Are They Playing You?”
I 1000% agree with Carmen’s comments to Angela. Couldn’t have said it better.
Hi Angela I to fell in love with a guy a much younger guy it was a demi Moore ashston type situation same thing we were to meet up to discuss our relationship as I’m in a long term 10 year relationship and he was dating a much younger women who he not me acknowledged he was not in love with but guess what he never showed up some people r good at being in love but when it comes time to show n tell there cowards let it go honey trust me you will laugh one day at this and if he does come around feed him with a long handed spoon and tell him your now the one in a difficult situation and u need help if he jumps and
helps then he was being honest if he bolts then he was never genuine and I would tell him bye bye and remember what goes around goes around
I like Barbara Robinsons comments, I am a man who relates to her article and I admire her wisdom and compassion, and NO I never took money only ever gave it, my weakness is my heart and compassion, even for those who have wronged me!
Carmen…..and also Brenda, hit the nail on the head!
That wos good she left him.
This is what happens when women are so desperate for male company that they will believe, hook, line and sinker what they want to hear from the guy. He is no idiot; he can smell desperation a mile away. Consider yourself lucky he only got as much from you as he did. Any guy to ask a woman, especially one he hardly knows, for money, is pathetic. But, obviously he sensed he could get away with it and he did. Cons are everywhere and they are very good at what they do. Rule #1: No money for any guy. As far as your feelings go, it takes time for ‘real love’ to happen. What you had was ‘real lust’. Not real love. Infatuation. Call it whatever you will but the main thing is to learn from it and move on. Become your own best friend and you will not attract or tolerate men like this in your life. Ever.
Hi Angela..
I do believe this man had feelings for you and maybe even loved you…but he should never have taken money from you. He wasnt free to give you the kind of love that leads to commitment. In the end family loyalties took precedence. Maybe his financial situation restricted him and even when children become young adults, they still need you, some more than others, although he didnt necessarily have to be living in the same house to help them. Nothing’s ever black and white and perhaps he doesnt love his wife but his commitments are preventing him from being with you. I dont think anyone can say he also had others.
I agree that you have to move on but have a breather from dating for a couple of months. The first new men you date may leave you cold but eventually there will be someone who will make you feel the same way he did – a man who will be free to build a life with you. I speak as one who has had similar experiences. I found that the best way forward is to tell yourself that if it’s meant to be, he will return to you as a free man. If he doesnt, then it’s because someone better is on his way to you!
I had boyfriends like that- though they weren’t married one got me to lend him money then tried to pass me on to someone else when I refused to give him any more- and unfortunately female friends like it as well they should have a great big red warning sign over their heads so that innocents like us don’t get caught