Speak Up: Find Fulfillment in the Bedroom

Having a great relationship and partner is a powerful thing and yet sometimes things can be missing. Sexual fulfillment and pleasure can be a completely separate issue and part of a relationship. If you or your partner are feeling left out or not satisfied some great advice and information is available to make things work. Check out what Carmen has to say to get things progressing for this couple:

Getting Him Past the Ten-Minute Mark

Lisa from Ottawa, Canada asks:

I have been in a relationshipwith my boyfriend for about a year. Things are great, except that when we have sex he lasts about five-ten minutes. Most of the time he knows it did nothing for me, even though I love having him near. It’s not always like this, but most of the time it is. He’s aware of it, but how do I bring it up in a way were be will get it and understand. We do love each other very much but I need your help. 

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Carmen replies:

Dear Lisa,

There are a lot of variables and unknowns in your situation. Have you ever really talked to him about this? Have you ever expressed to him that you require more time than he does, and would therefore like to try things that make him last longer? He could, for example, simply start out by pleasing you before he takes care of his needs. If you haven’t had this honest conversation with him, he’ll continue with his patterns. While I don’t know him at all, the way that you’re describing the situation makes me wonder if he’s a bit on the selfish side. Why else would you state that he knows that you weren’t fulfilled, but continue to just go and “get his?”

If he loves you as much as you say, he’ll be open to trying new things and making sure that you get the same joy out of your sexual relationship that he does. Talk to him openly and tell him that you would like him to focus a little more time on you. Also, there are plenty of ways to actually make him last longer. One of them would be condoms! There are plenty of ways for him to take care of your needs first, until he can graduate to lasting long enough for both of you to last equally as long.

“For some, love and sex are intertwined, but most people have the ability to enjoy love without sex or sex without love — if they let go and allow themselves to do so.” – Reed ext. 5105   

“You don’t have to understand sex to enjoy it.” – Kelli ext. 5130

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