Speak Up: If They Really Loved You

A reader is married to a very controlling man. He cares more about himself than her, treats her as though her thoughts and opinions don’t matter which makes her feel rather oppressed by it all. What can she do to make this unfulfilling relationship work?

Why Did You Marry This Guy?

Felicia asks:

I’m married to a man I feel is worried more about his own self-interest then mine. He believes he’s smarter than me, and everything I say or believe is wrong or unheard of. He makes me feel like a worthless child that he tolerates because of some strange duty he was called to. I love my husband but I cannot continue to feel empty with assurance of understanding. Can you help me understand what I should do?

Dear Felicia,

The first question that comes to mind is, why did you marry him? This is not meant to insult you, but simply a question you will have to ask yourself first. There had to be reasons for you to fall in love with him in the first place and to actually marry him; and sometimes it helps to remember why we are with the person we are with.

“You must first decide that you are worthy of love and that your value to be loved is not determined by someone else but yourself.” – William ext. 5131

Secondly, have you ever told him how his remarks and comments make you feel? When he challenges one of your beliefs, maybe ask him what his reasons are to believe otherwise and what proof he has to debunk your belief. Maybe you want to tell him that when it comes to beliefs, there isn’t necessarily a right or wrong. People should be allowed to believe whatever they want, and it is generally the job of those who love us to support us in that. And if he does have something to teach you, like a scientific fact, etc., he can do so in a kind and respectful manner that doesn’t make you feel less smart. Tell him that the way he talks to you makes you feel empty and worthless and then come up with an agreement regarding how you would like him to communicate with you. Maybe this is all a simple communication breakdown and not a reason to doubt your marriage. Sometimes, people honestly do not know how they come across to others and it is up to us to tell them when their remarks are insensitive or too harsh. Good luck and keep your chin up!

“People we attract into our life are reflections of who we are, therefore become first what it is you want to attract.” – Rivers ext. 5273

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