Realizing when someone is taking advantage of you can be difficult. Men don’t respect women who don’t respect themselves. Demand more for yourself.
Should You Consider Getting Back Together With Him?
Carmen from Meriden, Connecticut asks:
I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt he was lying and cheating. He’s back in my life again; he said that he was dating her after we broke up. Well now he’s back, and it turned out she didn’t want him the same way. I’m feeling uneasy and don’t trust him. I’m always wondering if he’s still chasing her, since it’s a challenge now.
Dear Carmen,
Are you serious?! I hate to come across so blunt, but why in the world would you want this guy back in your life?
Let me see if I get this straight! This joker cheats on you and is dishonest. Then he runs off with another chick and when she dumps his butt, comes running back to you, who apparently took him back with open arms? Yikes, girl, this is a guy you shouldn’t spend time and space with! What signals are you sending, my dear? You are telling him that it is OK to treat you like dirt, because you are going to take him back no matter what.
You want my advice? Dump the zero and find a hero! Understand that people don’t change for others and especially not when there are no consequences to their actions. This guy openly admits that you are second choice and yes, if the other one is willing, I guarantee he is going to run back to her in a heartbeat.
“Real trust takes real time.” – Reed ext. 5105
I hate to break it to you, Carmen, but men do not respect women who are doormats; most people do not. And if someone is already a douche bag, behaviors like this, on your part, will only support him more in his douche baggery. The question here is not “if” he is going to chase her (or anyone else for that matter), but when. Time to move on, my dear, because this guy is not worth it! It takes a certain character type who cheats and lies and then has the audacity to come running back, because the one he took off with didn’t want him, and that character type is usually rotten and deserves no effort on your part.
“To attain the love you want, be prepared to be, or work to become, the type of person you want to attract!” – Yemaya ext. 5143
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11 thoughts on “Speak Up: Demand Respect in Your Relationships”
Wow, another great article. If you are taking someone back that has cheated on you, then you are showing that you don’t respect yourself. If they cheated once then they will do it again. My husband cheated on me the whole time we were together. I felt like a fool until I kicked him to the curb and now he is the one who feels like a fool, because he lost me. Please people if you don’t plan on just being with one person for the rest of your life, then don’t get married or get in a relationship with anyone. It will come back on you some day. What goes around comes around, remember that.
No, you are not stupid, you have been together 18 yrs, and had planned being together till you die, society expects it, family expect it, you expected it.
Generally its harder to change and start a new life, than making a go of something that isnt perfect.
You may not like your husband and what he has done, but you will always care for him and love him.
So many people are quick to condem you for this loyalty, by taking a chance and having him back, of course it is a risk and it will take time till you feel happy and secure, but crossing the road is a risk we take most days.
The secret to taking him back and making your relationship grow, is to communicate every day, spoil yourself, be a princess and from now on, reward good behaviour and ignore bad behaviour, ( positive reinforcement ) men usually leave for 2 reasons, the main one is vanity, the close second is sex.
Most people have sexual fantasies, and the only way they can make them real is to get a lover, however if you are happy to try new things and experiment, there is no need for a husband to leave, he would rather stay at home, after all its easier. Couples who play together, stay together.
The reunion wont work if you keep him on a short lead, check his mail, phone, times, and even his usual habits, If you are insecure and worried he wont stay around.
At the end of the day, you have a spirit that is always guiding you, and you must learn to listen to it ( gut feeling ) and you will be guided in everything you do.
Just my 2cents worth, Bernard
Carmen I’ve delt with his type before. don’t let him drag you around and play you. You deserve better. Grow a pair step up and tell him to get to stepping cuz you don’t need him anymore.
Hi Carmen,
Good advice !!!!
Actually, she answered her own question when she stated: ” I’m feeling uneasy and don’t trust him. I’m always wondering if he’s still chasing her, since it’s a challenge now.”
She needs to trust her intuition and go with her gut feeling.
I also liked : ” Dump the zero and find a hero ! ”
Very true !
Hey Carmen, I understand what it feels like to be lonely, i’m a single mother of two and played the dating game and decided a couple of things, firstly it is better to be alone and love yourself than be with someone who makes you feel like your oh so lucky to be with him….and the reality is you are not alone, you have friends, family, work, hobbies, focus on that and very nicely tell him that you feel that you are better off on your own. Now the spiritual comments which really hit home for me are 1) if its not meant to be, don’t try fitting a square peg in a round hole because it will never work and 2) while your with him, the RIGHT man cannot come into your life and there is a right man for you but you can literally lose that chance by not “choosing wisely” this is a test, so make a “Good” choice. I don’t know if he’s wrong for you but I would bet on it that you DO know so have the courage to make the right choice.
Been there, done that and will never do it again!! Had a boyfriend found out that I WAS THE OTHER WOMAN, dumped him and this clown tried to play the “I wasn’t with her when I was with you” card. I found out that the whole time we were together, he was living with her!! Her and I had words and I tried to explain that I didn’t know. He lied to me the whole time. It’s a sad story because I wasn’t the first nor as I the last one.
Anyways to make it short, I ended it and found the love of my life. He is still playing those “games” with her and other women and what makes it worse is he’s married to her now. This girl is so miserable and believes every lie he dishes out but they fight constantly and everyday in front of their kids. I feel for those girls who feel they can’t find anyone else and stays with the guys who treat them like crap. That’s real low self esteem and they should seek help before something really bad happens.
Never play second fiddle to anyone. If a person sees that you have no backbone or boundaries they will, again, attempt to walk all over you with very little guilt. If a guy is not smart enough to know that you are worth it, well he is certainly not worth a second chance. Once a cheater always a cheater, unless he pays for the hard lessons in learning that you must respected.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Never play second best to anyone. They will take that as weakness and low respect for yourself, & that you have no principles or boundaries, which in return will only breed continue ill treatment and no respect for you. Move on. This guy is not worth it.
Advice to ALL QUEENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Advice to ALL QUEENS!!!!!!!!!!!
But what if he is your husband of 18 years and he says he realized he was making a huge mistake with the other woman and he left her. Am I stupid for taking him back so willingly?