It used to be that when men were in their 40s, they were married, had jobs, and could start to see retirement at the end of the line. They had kids that were almost grown, and grandkids could be expected in a few years after their kids graduated college and moved on with their lives. Often these men, whose lives started to slow down because things were peacefully settled went into midlife crisis. Their wives would take deep breaths, roll their eyes, and be grateful for the new convertible in the driveway because they were able to avoid the midlife crisis affair. That was then. Let’s fast forward to 2011.
There are a lot of single men in their 40s. Some divorced, some widowed, some just never married. Our economy has taken a large toll on the men who feel they should provide for their women and children. But now a lot of 40-some year old men are changing careers and starting over in new fields. They feel they are back at square one and think a woman is more worthy of someone much better and settled than them. They can’t see retirement now and taking on the white picket fence and wife is scary. A 30-year mortgage means they will be paying on the house well into their 70s—if they don’t die first. Men aren’t really being fickle—they are being realists.
This has caused the era of friends with benefits, friends, hanging out, hook ups—any label to avoid the boyfriend/girlfriend label. The boyfriend/girlfriend status leads to more things and more responsibilities. It plainly scares most men and a lot of women. So, what do you do when you get involved with someone and it’s not moving to the “next level”? In your 20s, waiting four or five years seems okay. In your 30s, not so much, and by your 40s it seems like there won’t be enough time to recover from a loss and find a new love and get your happily-ever-after. This theme is very common among couples in the world we live in. “Should I stay or should I go?” “Should I wait it out or cut my losses and move on?” Each situation is very unique and has its own set of dynamics.
In a world of convenience and instant information (Twitter, Facebook, texting, e-mailing, etc.), we have become a culture of wanting all the information now and not waiting for things. Throw in a woman’s “biological clock” and she’s very impatient by her 40s to start a family—instead of waiting for Mr. Right, many women settle on Mr. Right Now, and fall into poor marriages that end in divorce.
Waiting on something that is never going to happen is not a good use of time, but waiting on something wonderful is well worth the wait.
7 thoughts on “Stop Waiting for Mr. Right, Find Mr. Wonderful”
Hi Sable,
Yes times have sure changed. Great advice. Keep it coming.
Gelsomina 5354
this article is right for my situation.
my husband cheated on me with a 22 year old girl.
i am not waiting for him,i am looking for Mr.. wonderful.
yes i am going through this right now with my husband.
he left me with cheating on me with a girl 22 years old.
i don t wait for him, i am looking for Mr.wonderful.
A note to Cynthia-move on!! No point in wasting any more time. I am 37 never married and no kids. I sometimes wonder if I held out too long for Mr. Right. Then I look at everyone I know who has followed the “ideal” path of life. Most have been divorced, have numerous kids, have bills mounting due to their kids/ex, and are miserable. Then I realize that it is a good thing I have not settled for less. I may still get sad at times, but I take comfort in knowing that I refused to settle for less than I want/deserve. No one i find will be perfect, but I will find that someone that is perfect for me.
Wow – I totally agree. I am 52 and feel I finally am ready and have met my man. He was divorced the month we met. I truly believe my spirits had me waiting for him to end his marriage prior to having me meet him.
I always give this same advice to young people who want love. Not everybody meets their soul mate/kindred spirit at an early age.
The guy I dated for a year and a half, everything fizzled out. He asked me to marry him and then took a job that caused him to travel to another Country for months at a time. I never got the engagement ring. So it just never really became resolved. He would text me now and then. We recently reconnected after a year…he still says he loves me ….and that His Travel will not last forever…..but He has commitment fears. I am so lost at what to do. He says, ” I do love you”. This is just a season for now”. He tells me he loves me. Am I a fool hoping he will stop traveling and we will have a life together….or am I just living on hope that will never transpire! Please Help! I want to do the right thing! If I am suppose to move on, I want to…I have read all the things I can on letting go…and the meditations and seminars.. I have prayed and even asked God to help me not have these feelings for this man. What do I do?
Thank you soooooo much for your help …Sincerely…I do appreciate it.
Cynthia
Hi Rowan,
You have accurately pointed out the obstacles within these changing times in our society,
food for thought indeed !
I enjoyed reading such a candid and realistic article !