Warming Up After a Cold Spell
Both men and women experience cold spells in their romantic relationships whether they’ve been together for many years or just a few months. A cold spell occurs when one partner backs away and dials down the romance and affection. Have you experienced it? Does it worry you?
Call Psychic Quinn ext. 5484 and find out when your relationship dry spell will end!
The good news is that this behavior doesn’t mean your relationship is going down the drain. Know that there are ebbs and flows in good relationships and a cold spell is an indication of an ebb. The hard part is sticking it out and it’s nothing short of magic!
Musical Chairs
With 52% of marriages ending in divorce and the average length of a relationship being between two and three years, you have to wonder what’s going on. Relationships have become like a game of musical chairs!
Couples go through cold spells, but if they don’t work through them, they break up. But in doing so, some people end up breaking up with soulmates because they lack patience and understanding. I don’t want to see that happen!
There are a few reasons why couples experience a cold spell.
Cheating
One of the first things that come to mind when going through a relationship cold spell is that perhaps the partner is backing away because they’re cheating. That’s not always the case. Sometimes your partner is having more fun in your head than in real life! But if they are cheating, there are several ways to tell. Suspicion isn’t enough.
Addiction
Sometimes a cold spell occurs because one partner is trying to cover up an addiction. This is a tough place to be in and I have definitely had my share of callers experiencing this. But there is help out there for both people, whether they decide to stick with the relationship or not.
Money
Money issues can cause cold spells, whether you have too much or too little. Sometimes a partner gets an inheritance and would rather spend their money on themselves, refusing to share a cent with their partner. Other times, job loss can cause a cold spell because the couple can no longer enjoy the life they’ve become accustomed to.
New Friends, Old Friends
When a partner gets a new hobby or a new job, they also meet new people with shared interests. They start spending a lot of time together. This can cause a cold spell. When old friends come back into the picture there is a lot to catch up on. This can also cause a cold spell.
Changes in Routine
Has your partner started a new fitness routine? Have you started a new job with new hours? Any time your schedules get shaken up there’s the potential for a cold spell. Any kind of change can cause a cold spell in a relationship, whether the changes are for better or worse.
Talk it Out
Talk to your partner before you decide to throw in the towel. Tell them how the cold spell is making you feel. They may not know what kind of impact it’s had on you and if they don’t know how you feel, they can’t do anything to make you feel better.
Most importantly, know that most cold spells are temporary. Stop worrying that your relationship is coming to an end, because chances are, it isn’t. But if you’re having a hard time figuring things out and getting through it, I can help.
Quinn
28 thoughts on “Psychic Quinn: How to Survive a Relationship Cold Spell”
I been in a relationship for 13 years an we broke up 4 months ago he moved this lady in with him do u think we will ever get back to getting to getther again thank u???
Will me and my ex get back together or am I better off without him?
Hi again Marc,
you are so funny “almost Buddhist” !!!!
mindfulness and compassion…
and most of all taking responsibility for your own life.
Buddha Bless,
-quinn
Hi Quinn
Thank you for your time and wisdom :} I have come to a point in my life where I feel that people are entitled to do what they do, say what they say, feel how they feel. I have learned that my only control is how I feel about it. I do not have the right to force others or coerce them, eg manipulate!
So I now have an almost Buddhist approach, I am not saying I am great at that, just that I either put up with such people or walk, understanding that all the time I am blessed to be more spiritually aware and learning from this site and all the people who take part sad, mad, or bad lol!
Thank you
Marc from the UK one of life’s learners and teachers !
Hi John,
what you are going thru is not a cold spell. it is about self esteem.
work on your personal issues to come to some resolve. and feel good about who you are. referring to yourself as a bag of trash is not the way to go. find your inner core of power, work with healers on different levels, medical, spiritual, emotional… get it together and when you are feeling inner love the outer love will enter your life via a woman.
be well,
-quinn
hello, i have two problems, one is obvious-i’m alone. four+months ago, i was in a relationship with the woman who i thought was the one. the one that i was going to spend the rest of my life with. now, i knew that she was on state aid. but i didn’t care because i wanted her and not her money. well, the state pretty much brainwashed her, turned her against me. not only did she break my heart but she had me put on the street like i was a bag of trash. seems like i just can’t get it right no matter what i do. i keep hoping that the woman thats been meant for me is out here-somewhere. problem 2 is physical. i can’t stop going to the bathroom, i go thru bouts of lower back pain, my right leg is always hurting which causes me to limp all the time. just wanted to know what you think about all of this
Dear Val,
you wrote >>>but when does karma kick in for me<<<
karma is the law of cause and effect. everything you say think and do is a cause which in turn has an effect that turns into another cause – and there you have the wheel of karma. life.
this situation could be the effect from past life causes –
that's one part of this big picture.
another part is that relationships have life spans just like people. one comes in one goes out. some last some don't.
people come to relationships with needs. when the needs are met the relationship usually ends, unless there is a co-dependent vibration, or an enabler.
for all the years of love and positive energy you shared that is what you take away, not the last tattered pieces of pain and suffering.
friends and family have their own drama and often do not know what to do in such a case as yours. how can they help, give you money, stay with, talk on the phone where you find that you go over and over the pain of the situation. this drains others and that is a cause you do not need or want to make.
this is not about what you husband did, it is about how you make it to the next page of your life.
the things that he did, the lying the cheating will no doubt come around to haunt him in his lifetime or his next. all the religion in the world does not make one a better person. acting out of compassion and kindness (metta) allows your life condition to elevate.
so with all this said you work on you. find your core of happiness. it was not your husband, after 20 years you might think it was, yet reality is that you are your own person. I know you will recover and rise from the ashes of love lost… like the beautiful Phoenix.
in closing – count your blessing, remember the good, let the bad go, smile more even if you are not feeling it until one day the reality of your smile becomes your everyday face…
with love and blessing,
-quinn
Hi Quinn- Im hoping you can offer some insight of finding some light in my situation. I’m sorry this is long. I just read your advice and it hit a nerve, though too late for me, hoping you can offer insight. My husband/bestfriend of 21 years…Started a new job last fall. I found some texts a couple months into his new job, called him out on “flirting”. He denied it, said he would never do that, my daughter and I are his world, which anyone that knows our family…was so true. I believed him because we had such an awesome marriage…the one everyone would say, “We hope we have your deep sense of devotion, love and humor after 20 years!” I found some more texts, and devastated, called him on it. He admitted it was flirting, but not that kind…and I waited for an explaination and got nothing. Told him I needed sometime to think, went away for a day someplace to think. We talked, he apologized, cried, said he didn’t know what he was doing and said he go to counseling, church, talk…how ever long it took to trust him, even if it was 10 years. He just wanted our family back. So did I, so we did all the above. Thought it was working. Picked up my daughter from college for the Summer, she knew things had been “off” but, i assured her we had worked on things…but I knew she was frightened, her dad and I had always been each others best friend and soulmate and we taught her relatioships take time, love, communication…and she said her friends always said how lucky she was when they saw our family. I know she was proud of that. That night, closing down the computer, I found an AOL account open and thought it was my daughters and went to close it. Turned out it was a secret account of between my husband and his married co-worker. Turned out, it was an affair….for 6 months and they had been dating and plotting on how to leave their spouses. Our whole extended family and friends were devasted and shocked. This was US. Found out in the emails her spouse had health concerns as do I. I was betrayed and beyond hurt…healing is still way off. That was 9 months ago…short end: My daughter had to go to Spain for school and my husband moved in with this woman, she left her husband and two children as well. I have a late stage illness, it caused a great financial burden and emotionallly it was hard to have to deal with, but we did with good friends and family. When asked how he could do this…and for so long, and yet be making plans for our future and traveling with our daughter…he said,”I want our old life back..”. Since then, we had to put the house up for sale, he stopped help maintaining it, then a week before we went to court, I found he had stopped making mortgage payments and was leaving in a week with this woman on the trip we had planned for us and our daughter to Europe. I have a late stage illness and am working on disability…but it will be awhile. Am trying to sell the house before it goes into bankruptcy. My family all passed away when I was younger, and his family has always been mine these 21 years. However, nobody has reallly stepped forward during this, with a few wonderful exceptions. They aren’t speaking with him. However, through one honest family member, I was told he sent out a variety of versions of what happened and why we were getting a divorce. None the truth…and said it was a mutual decision, which it wasn’t by any means. Which when I found out, told her this was the first I heard of this. I thought we were solid, happy…and now here I am,fighting this illness alone and he is in Europe. I don’t know how this to where I am now..and I really don’t know why our family hasn’t stepped up to check in on my daughter or myself. I’ve been trying to keep the house going and go through treatments…but it’s been extremely hard and lonely after having my family, who was my world and support. It made the process of going through the treatments less scary and felt very protected. My in laws have almost split up do to this. His mom has enable many things behind both my father in laws back and mind, and he has been trying to be here for me, help with the house, come over for coffee and talk…but then she hurrys him home. She’s been a wonderful mom and my best health advocate…until now. My husband and I are in are 50’s…we are not kids. His mom and dad are both ministers…which makes this extra hard. I feel like I’ve lost all my family, support system and a place to feel safe. They are very upset with my soon to be ex…do not condone his actions and have always been very close with me. But now, it’s been silence…and even with my church and some awesome friends…there is a huge emptiness that only family can fill and come home to, especially when you’re ill. I keep hearing there’s a bigger picture…just have to wait. But, it just keeps getting worse and I know people get busy and on with their own lifes, but when does karma kick in for me and show me this light everyone says I will have. Hearing you are such an incredible person, friend, mom…feels empty words when you’re in an empty house and just trying to keep mentally in a good place.
thank you Mark… good to see you and read your comment.
secrets can be hard to deal with for both parties –
yet in real life we all have our private side and things that we want to keep to ourselves.
respecting privacy is a very important part of trusting your partner.
have a blessed night.
-quinn
As usual always a great article from Quinn ! One question, why is somebody who you may be in a relationship with, soooo secretive? Hides phone logs, deletes emails, disappears? This could be somebody who works for a government office, therefor requires upmost privacy in there lives. Can this person be cheating or trying to protect there lives as required? My experience they are cheats, however is it possible they are trying to protect there other life?
HI -jennifer
YOU WROTE
>>>>So much is going on right now in this relationship of mine and I think fear is the biggest factor….however he has already done some things that stand for red flags….he wasn’t very honest at first but then he opened up after a confrontation…talking to him is okay but that fear of him lying and cheating is sooooo deep even though he promised it wouldn’t again….I’m just lost and feel very alone and fearful….please help!!<<>>
sorry to I had to repost. computers huh!
anyway about you question. take the red flags and run for the hills. You are not happy and you cannot change him.
He lies, and the trust has been broken.
Love him for who he is or leave him for your best interest. Being alone is fixable.
Blessings,
-quinn
HI – Larry
There is a chance yet you are not taking action. Work on getting to know her.
————————
sorry I posted to fast and it got meshed into another answer.
have a great day.
-quinn
HI -jennifer
YOU WROTE
>>>>So much is going on right now in this relationship of mine and I think fear is the biggest factor….however he has already done some things that stand for red flags….he wasn’t very honest at first but then he opened up after a confrontation…talking to him is okay but that fear of him lying and cheating is sooooo deep even though he promised it wouldn’t again….I’m just lost and feel very alone and fearful….please help!!<<<>>>Hi, will that special girl that i met many month’s ago & i ever become a couple ?<<<<
There is a chance yet you are not taking action. Work on getting to know her.
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My Dear Sveta,
There is no way that separate bedrooms or a separation will fix the marriage.
He might be at a point where sex is not important to him and that is something that can be fixed.
When you are sleeping next to him hold him around, try to make the first move.
If he is not bringing the tenderness and loving to the relationship than take over and bring it. I know rejection can hurt yet this lack of emotional activity is hurting you too.
It is better to try because you will be putting good loving energy out into the universe and it will no doubt come back to you.
You fix love by loving not by leaving.
write me back and let me know how you are.
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HI – no name,
If you tell your husband that you do not want him to take a break and that you want to work out your issues, he might not want to stay anyway. He is looking for something outside himself and if you do break, he will find his way home.
Sometimes a good flip out opens eyes. There is nothing else to do for now.
keep me posted.
————————Thank you all for you comments and questions.
Buddha Bless,
-quinn
I just need to know what to do, my husband wants a break from our 24 yr marriage. Hes not being truthful, but he wont talk, after i flipped out on him i dont know what to do
Thank you, Quinn, for this very useful reminder about the possible pitfalls in our relations with the loved ones. I felt real relief after I read your analysis and the comments below. Yes, after 30 years of a very devoted and romantic marriage, we survive now with my husband (who is Sagittarius) through a cold spell. To make the long story short, although there are no tangible changes in our common life (he is still very strict in all his family “duties” and we are still able to discuss some of our relationship problems), his absentmindedness when he is at home, his plunging into his laptop even when we are watching TV, his remoteness when we are together, thousands of small signs that he is not interested in me as a woman any more, but still fighting for our marriage… And yes, I pray to God every night when I sleep next to him, but not in his embrace as we used to before, to have the patience and love to wait for his wakening up from this cold spell. Sometimes I ask myself whether it would be better to move to sleep separately in the next room, which is empty now since our daughter left the house. Just to make things easier for both of us – not to pretend as if we are still the same couple… But as if he reads my thoughts as actually I read his thoughts (what is not so difficult after so many years of shared life), and he gives me an evidence showing that he is taking care of me and that he is in the previous way the same devoted husband. But when I look into his eyes I discover a new person – an unhappy one, equally unhappy as myself in the moment. He told me few days ago that he loves me and that he cannot (and does not want to) imagine to live without me. And I believe he was sincere. But at the same time, his cold spell behavior shows me something different. So, we both are unhappy and both try to manage the crisis of our marriage, and I know that this will last for several years. Shall I be able to stand up for my marriage and how to do this? Do you think that a temporary separation – although nobody can guarantee whether it will not turn into an official divorce – can be a remedy in our case? Thank you in advance for your advice!
When will I meet mr right
So much is going on right now in this relationship of mine and I think fear is the biggest factor….however he has already done some things that stand for red flags….he wasn’t very honest at first but then he opened up after a confrontation…talking to him is okay but that fear of him lying and cheating is sooooo deep even though he promised it wouldn’t again….I’m just lost and feel very alone and fearful….please help!!
Dear Edward,
lose the bitterness. you can consider the fact that you paid your dues to the love gods.
Now it is time for you to move on.
Happiness is waiting with another.
best,
-quinn
Hi, will that special girl that i met many month’s ago & i ever become a couple ?
Hi Charmaine,
there are times when enough is enough and if you are not getting what you want on an emotional level it is hard to make love.
in that light parting ways might be the best thing for you.
before you make that decision consult with one of the readers or a therapist so that if you do end it at least you can walk away knowing you did your all.
many blessing,
-quinn
Hi my husband and I were experiencing this feeling for a while now only time I think that he remembers me is when time for sex other wise is like I don’t exist if its no sex no attention he’s never at home and when he is that what it is I think am ready to go we talk about it but he doesn’t see it that way and I don’t think that he’s my soul mate either we both want completely different things in life so yes I need to know what going on
Hi becca,
YOU WROTE >>>i Have a really big problem. my husband and i got into a fight he got arrested. had to court.and im here in the shelter. I really want to talk things out and have no way to get ahold of him.I think about him all the time day and night. I know he still loves me. In court he said he loves me. I feel alone noone to talk to.<<<<<<
When a person loves another they treat them in a way that shows the love – all relationships have up and downs no doubt. Yet when the police and the courts are involved the relationship is in need of help such as anger management and a good therapist. Without help to learn how to avoid such drastic situations they will continue to happen or at the best the relationship will end.
you are on the computer so reach out to others who are in the same situation for support.
I wish you the best in your marriage.
————————
Hi Janice,
Good question you ask… you will meet your soul mate when you follow these simple instructions.
1. define what you want in a soul-mate
2. meditate/pray about it
3. take action
with that plan it should happen this summer.
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Hi Ana Ayala,
thank you for posting to our blog. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Hi Jim,
YOU WROTE
……we are in a cold spell. Both of us are experiencing stress and anxiety. My wife is also dealing with depression issues and tons of work related stress, home front stress brought on by the kids and me as well.. We have commented to each other we have actually found our soulmate in each other. We both say we want to save the marriage and stay together. It sometimes seems like the relationship is headed for the end. We just seem to both push each others button right now. And it’s not done on purpose. We are a great couple and can get back on track but we both need to pitch in. Could you please tell us what you see ahead and will we weather this bumpy road. Can you tell what our biggest issue is? Most important when will it end. What is the most valuable thing for us to do. Will she be able to work through her issues and remain committed to our marriage? Can I do the same? Thank you, Jim<<<<<<
I have no doubt that you are soul-mates. Although there are rough times behind you and the ship is still rocking by the summer end you will find peace of mind on more than one level. STOP PUSHING EACH OTHERS BUTTONS
go see a marriage therapist. Or talk without fighting. You are draining each other instead of enhancing each other. Being mindful and compassionate goes a long way.
Call for a read together if you still need help.
Blessings to you both.
————————
Hi Kay – you're the best… hugs to you and thank you for sharing your post.
love,
-quinn
we fell into a death spiral due to a terrible cold spell which led to our demise and indifference she isolated me and turned to her friends and everyone else co workers family i felt like the last to know how she really felt and i was devastated and crushed that i meant so little to her i questioned her integrity and she threw me away like yesterdays trash i feel so empty hurt and broken because of all of this and was truly pulled away from for someone better suited for her socialite eliteist new buisness owner up and comming lifestyle in which i helped support and build with her jilted in nh
Quinn IS THE BEST O THE BEST.
I HAVE TALKED WITH HER AND LET ME TELL YOU. SHE IS STRAIGHT FORWARD, COMPASSIONATE AND DAD ON THE MONEY.
SHE TOLD ME ABOUT MAN I AM IN A RELATIONHIP WITH. SHE OPENED MYEYES TO MANY THINGS IN OUR CONVERSATION AND IT CONFIRMED WHAT I HAD ALREADY THOUHT. SHE MADE ME SEE SOME THINGS DIFFERENTLY THAN I HAD AND IT HELPED ME FIND HE ANSWER I NEDED.
QUINN IS THE BEST…………..
Hi, we are in a cold spell. Both of us are experiencing stress and anxiety. My wife is also dealing with depression issues and tons of work related stress, home front stress brought on by the kids and me as well.. We have commented to each other we have actually found our soulmate in each other. We both say we want to save the marriage and stay together. It sometimes seems like the relationship is headed for the end. We just seem to both push each others button right now. And it’s not done on purpose. We are a great couple and can get back on track but we both need to pitch in. Could you please tell us what you see ahead and will we weather this bumpy road. Can you tell what our biggest issue is? Most important when will it end. What is the most valuable thing for us to do. Will she be able to work through her issues and remain committed to our marriage? Can I do the same? Thank you, Jim
I don’t know please help me
when will I meet my sol mate
i Have a really big problem. my husband and i got into a fight he got arrested. had to court.and im here in the shelter. I really want to talk things out and have no way to get ahold of him.I think about him all the time day and night. I know he still loves me. In court he said he loves me. I feel alone noone to talk to.