When Love Breaks Down
When what was thought to be love doesn’t work out and you’re stuck all alone with nothing else but that aching pain in your heart, then perhaps it’s time to really work through it and let a spiritual journey begin. The first thing we usually try to do is escape the pain. In our minds we rationalize through it. We may sabotage our bodies with intense exercise or over indulgences while our emotions run into the ground. Sound familiar?
I worked with a client that wanted to get over the insecurity feeling that had plagued her all her life. She was so hurt by her boyfriend’s periodic withdraws that she would call and call him begging for his return. Eventually he would return to her but the insecurity feeling would always be there. He would come and go and she would suffer and beg for his return.
The spiritual journey of facing the pain of insecurity was begun by looking at her life history. When did this pain start? For this client, and many people I work with, the pain started long before the current object of their infatuation came into their lives. It started back when they were a child. If one had experience with a selfish or unavailable parent it is very common for them to continue the pattern they have been wired for and find themselves drawn to unavailable partners.
I get a lot of callers wondering if their selfish partner loves them. How do you get a selfish person to love? Genuine love is a giving energy, not a taking energy. If you believe that you can indulge and spoil the selfish person and have them change and suddenly become loving, then you will find out that it doesn’t work. For them love is like a free tank of gas, they will fill up on you and then go drive around showing off.
Many women that I talk to are in love with a guy that is lost in life. So they rescue him, helping him get on his feet and develop confidence. But what they find instead is the guy develops an arrogant big head and wants to show off his better life by flirting with other women so he can brag to his other lost buddies and feel important.
So what can one do? Realize that your pain is your spiritual journey. Praying that your lost soul person will change and come back to you is not the prayer to focus on. Pray for understanding, wisdom and alignment with your spiritual self. Don’t let your emotions or addiction to unhealthy people interfere with your healthy spiritual life that wants you to have love, genuine love. Your spirit self is your real self. Your emotional self is your life lesson. Surround yourself with truly loving people instead of waiting for selfish people to change. Your spirit self wants you to have love. Go where love is.
4 thoughts on “The Spiritual Journey of a Broken Heart”
KB – thanks for sharing your experience, reminding us that gold-digging isn’t just for the girls these days. It’s really a shame what happened there.
I just want to say, never blame yourself for being taken in by a con artist – it’s their profession! So of course they’re very good at creating illusions, like a master magician or artist, except instead of fooling the eye, they’ve trained themselves how to fool the heart.
The way his whole family got involved at the end, sounds like it’s not the first time he’s done this. In fact, scamming may be the family business.
You weren’t prepared for this because you would never do this to someone else. Appreciate the value of your own character that you’ve worked hard to develop! That’s a treasure no one can take from you – a kind of wealth your ex-BF will probably never know. If you find a guy more like yourself, together you’ll be fabulously rich! :^) Best of luck in that!
WOW !!! Its almost like you wrote my story here…word to word……Gave him 4 years of nothing but loyalty, emotinal financial and spiritual support so he can get where he needed to get in his life, had to look over his constant lying and cheating and his manic episodes, never met anyone he knew; if I tried to leave him, he came back running everytime; he always was one foot out the door and I could feel that and was always on the edge…I knew deep down that as soon as he is done getting all that he wants, he will leave and I was right and 2 months after he graduated, he insulted my religions and him and his parents together threatened me with cops, kicked me out of the house as we lived together…….this truly came out of nowhere and was a shock becaus we had worked on things for one year with no fights, no arguments, I didn’t think he was lying or cheating…..but it is obvious he had just learned to be a better liar….Its been 5 months, I can’t sleep or do anything because I’m so angry and hurt and feel foolish for being used for so long and for letting him treat me that way.
that was really helpful advice, and exactly what I needed to hear right now!
Beautiful article Kim! Well said, thank you.
Blessings, Faith ext. 9608