Why do Men and Women Have Trouble Agreeing on Things?

Men and women are different in their makeup and this can be seen in the way they show emotion, communicate, and more. We take a look at some of these differences and make sense of what is really going on.

Getting Over the Small Differences

They say that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. They tell us what happens when Harry meets Sally. They tell us to follow the Rules. In male/female relationships, we constantly try to get past our differences to find harmony. But reaching accord is difficult, because ever since we’re born, men and women receive a barrage of gendered information telling us how we’re expected to engage with the world.

Like it or not, those messages influence how we communicate with each other. So let’s take a look at some things men and women usually can’t agree on, to get past our gendered filters, and agree to work toward some mutual understanding. If you are having trouble communicating and getting along with your significant other contact us today.

1. I’ll Cry if I Want To

Women are taught it’s OK to be emotionally connected. So we cry openly, and often easily! But for men, who are taught to value logic, decisiveness, and action, tears can be considered at best a sign of weakness and at worst a coercive effort at manipulation.

Men are traditionally expected to turn their stress outward. For men stress and unhappiness can equal anger instead of sadness. And they are taught that anger is a good way to resolve problems, whereas women turn the stress inward.

Men need to understand that tears aren’t just an attempt at coercion; a means to an end. For women, it helps to understand that men will be solution-oriented. His efforts to resolve the problem don’t mean that he is entirely uncompassionate to the situation at hand.

2. Are You Hearing Me? Are You Nagging Me?

Women need to hear a verbal acknowledgment that the men in their lives are really hearing them. When we don’t hear a clear acknowledgement of what we say, we say the same thing, over and over until we get a response! Men could understand this, and communicate a clear response. For women, once we get the response that we’ve been heard and acknowledged, we should try to let the issue go for the present. Only bring it up again if no action is ever taken based on what was agreed upon!

“Change is always to be welcomed rather than feared because it leads to the best relationship choices and the greatest freedom.” – Psychic Faith ext. 9608

3. Anger: Good or Bad?

Men have a more comfortable relationship with anger. My male yoga teacher once said, “When you’re a young man you’re often not calm. Because you have to go out into school and into the world expecting that someone will want to mess with you.” Perhaps men can be too quick to anger, but on the other hand, women are often too slow to anger, especially when it’s truly justified.

We shouldn’t always give into anger, but we should listen to the message behind our anger. Men and women should both be able to be strong and take action when anger reveals that there’s something wrong. But at the same time, find your calm. Even when angry feelings arise, remember, our sense of calm and peace depends on us, not the other person or situation.

4. Baby, I Was Born This Way

It’s great when Lady Gaga says, “I was born this way.” But it isn’t always so great when men and women use “I was brought up this way” as an excuse to avoid change, growth, and understanding another’s point of view.

Let’s have empathy for each other—we’ve all been receiving gendered messages our whole lives. However, as adults, we can now choose which messages resonate with us, and which messages are better to let go.

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