What You Can and Can’t Do When You’re “On a Break”

Reevaluating Your Relationship

At some point in your romantic life you and a partner may decide to go “on a break.” While this scenario can mean different things to different couples, and even different things to each member of a given couple, typically a break signifies some kind of separation where both people can take some time to reevaluate the relationship and decide if they really, truly want to be together.

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Blurred Lines

As you can imagine, being on a break can turn into a confusing time as the line of being in a committed relationship and being single blurs. While every twosome handles this situation in its own way, here are some general guidelines to follow if you find yourself in this somewhat confusing gray area.

What You Can Do

1. Explore New Possibilities
Being on a break is an excellent time to meet other potential partners, and perhaps even go on dates. Doing this will allow you to compare these new options to your significant other and better understand what your relationship may have been lacking—as well as what you’re actually grateful for.

2. Work On Yourself
Use this opportunity to take stock of your thoughts, feelings and actions so you can grow and change for the better. Perhaps your relationship brought out a side of you that you didn’t really like. Maybe you found that you were quick to anger when you were around your partner. Having some space to understand your emotions, and the way those manifested in your life, can help you become a better person.

3. Evaluate What You Truly Want Out of a Relationship
Another key aspect of taking a break is having the time to reimagine your romantic life. Ask yourself: What about my relationship made me happy? What about my relationship did I find unfulfilling? What are my wants, needs and non-negotiables in a relationship? Answering these questions may help you determine if you’d like to try again or move on completely.

What You Can’t Do

1. Break the Parameters You and Your Partner Set for This Break
Again, every couple handles this situation differently but, chances are, you and your partner discussed some guidelines about what is, and isn’t, acceptable behavior on this break. You may have rules regarding how far you can go, physically, with another person, as well as whether or not you plan to tell each other about your actions during this time. Whatever parameters you set, you owe it to your partner to stick with them, out of respect.

2. Lead Your Partner On
Going on a break means that there’s a chance of getting back together. If you’re using a break as a baby step toward breaking up—because you’re too scared to break things off completely or you’re feeling too guilty about hurting your partner’s feelings—this is a major no-no. Leading your partner on is not only disrespectful, but it prevents both of you from starting the inevitable moving on process. Be clear with your partner if you truly want to split up, rather than pull the Band-Aid off slowly by agreeing to a break.

3. Get too Deep in Another Relationship
The point of a break is to reevaluate your relationship, yourself and your partner—not to couple up with someone else. While it’s great to play the field and explore new possibilities, you shouldn’t use this time to establish a full-on relationship with a new significant other. Before you get in too deep with someone else, it’s time to officially break up with your current partner and put an end to the break.