What’s He Really Saying?

Good communication is vital to every successful relationship, but part of that process is often learning “manspeak,” so that you can decipher what he’s really saying. Whatever his motivation for using this cryptic communication – avoiding a conflict, fishing for clues from you before he makes himself vulnerable, trying to avoid hurting your feelings, or just hoping you’ll read in between the lines – you’ll invariably have to deal with this guy code sooner or later. Learning how to crack this code will save you precious time, and minimize confusion and heartache in your relationship. While this list is by no means exhaustive, it does cover many of the coded messages that men often use.

When he says: “We should do something sometime.”

…he really means: “I want to ask you out, but I don’t want to feel rejected if you say no.”

When he says: “Do you think we can still be friends?”

…he really means: “I’m not really attracted to you, but I think you’re cool and would like to hang out as buddies.”

When he says: “Maybe we should take a break and see other people.”

…he really means: “There’s someone else I’m interested in and I want to feel free to test the waters.”

When he says: “It would be great to date you, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

…he really means: “I’m not interested in sleeping with you, but I think you’re a great person and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

When he says: “That’s an interesting outfit.”

…he really means: “Whatever that is you’re wearing, you should go change immediately.”

When he says: “Come hang out at ___. I’ll be hanging out with my friends.”

…he really means: “Sure we can hang out, but I want to make sure you don’t think of this as a date.”

When he says: “It’s fine.”

…he really means: “I’m actually not OK with it, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

When he says: “Let’s not jump into anything just yet and see how things go.”

…he really means: “I’m interested in you, but I still want to see other people right now.”

When he says: “You’re too good for me.”

…he really means: “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.”

When he says: “Oh, her? She’s just an old friend.”

…he really means: “We have probably either had sex or dated at some point but it’s not relevant to you and therefore none of your business.”

When he says: “It’s not you, it’s me.”

…he really means: “This relationship is not working for me, and if I take the blame then I don’t have to hurt your feelings by listing the reasons why I’m not interested in you anymore.”

When he says: “I’ll get to it in a minute”

…he really means: “I’ll get to it when I feel like it, not when you think I should.”

When he says: “Guys are always checking you out, I must be a lucky guy.”

…he really means: “I’m feeling self-conscious from all the attention you are getting and need reassurance that you are happy with me and not interested in any of these guys who are flirting with you.”

When he says: “You and that guy seem like good friends.”

…he really means: “Did you guys ever date?”

When he says: “We are planning our divorce, but due to financial reasons we are still living together.”

…he really means: “I’m too afraid to leave her – I want to be with both of you for as long as I can stretch it.”

What are your favorite examples of manspeak?