When He Walks Away

Doris C. in Buffalo, NY writes:

Dear Tansy,

I have read some of the things you have written for the California Psychics blog and have found them to be very interesting. The reason I’m writing you is that my boyfriend of two years just walked off and left me. We were getting along just great, and all of the sudden he said that I could do better than him and that we should quit seeing each other. This just came out of the blue.

My heart is just broken. I still don’t understand why he felt that way, as we never even really argued over anything. I loved him so much and think about him constantly every day. It’s hard to work or sleep or eat. When I pass by the places we used to go, I feel the pain all over again. What can I do about this? Do you think that he might return to me some day? If you can, please help.

Dear Doris,

My heart really goes out to you. I think that most of us have felt the way that you do and could not even visualize that we could be happy again some time in the future. I know that you feel very alone right now and confused, as well.

Doris, I hate to tell you, this man was a liar. It wasn’t the fact that he broke off the relationship, it was the fact that he would not tell you honestly why. The statement that “you could do better than him” was an easy way out for his conscience. This was his way of diminishing any guilt he might feel. The honest truth is that you are much better off without him, but that is not what you would like to hear.

The belief that you deserved better was not the truth. He had fallen for someone else and could not be honest enough to tell you why he was breaking things off with you. People like that also tend to enjoy controlling others by not giving the truth and attempting to place the responsibility on the other’s shoulders.

I see that this man will return to you in the next few months. His new relationship will not work out the way he wanted and he will return, as least temporarily, while he scouts for another nice woman. Using you like this is not something that he considers to be a negative thing.

It is terribly hard, though, I know. Time does heal. In the meantime, I can tell you several things that I have seen work.

First, when you find yourself thinking of his good qualities, stop. That’s right, quit thinking about what was good in him – and instead think of the negative ones. We already know that he was controlling and inconsiderate and dishonest. I’m sure you can think of others to add to the list.

Next, avoid going to the places that you used to go to together. Find new places to eat, to shop, and so forth. Going to the old places only serves as a reminder.

Third, stay busy in your life. Get a dog and go for long walks. Join new groups. Take up bowling. Find an interesting night class to take. If you have other things in your mind that you enjoy, chances are great that the old, self-defeating thoughts will be pushed aside.

You are a good person who has been treated badly, through no fault of your own. Nurture yourself in all possible ways, and believe that when he does return, he will find that you are way past this type of relationship. Another man is coming into your life who will value you as your are meant to be valued.

My prayers go with you!

Tansy Ext. 5289