When Love Doesn’t Last…

I will never meet the right person. All the healthy people are already married. I missed my chance so many years ago. Why didn’t I…

It’s all too easy to slip into regret and negative thoughts over loves that didn’t go the distance. If you are stuck in the “I wish” spin cycle when you look at your love life, here are some ideas to turn it around! Don’t give up!

First, take a fresh look at your past relationships. Today, with all your new self-knowledge, would you have picked the same person? Do you truly believe you would have been happy for the long-term with any of your former partners?

For most of us, the answer is no. Take that no and think about it as a yes! Yes, your life has taken you on a path to meet someone more compatible than before. Yes, your past relationship is one of many experiences and all of them are valuable to you. Yes, your journey is for a purpose that will lead to great contentment and happiness.

Give yourself a break. In a bid to feel more in control, many decide that every failed romance is entirely their fault. It takes two to start a relationship and two to end it. It’s not about fault – it’s about moving on in your life.

If you have had a succession of short-lived romances, take a step back. Though you may want to throw in the towel forever, a short hiatus is all that is called for. Take the pressure off yourself and indulge in self-care. Visit an old friend in another city or spend time with your family. Without the stress of dating, you will remember how lovable and wonderful you are to your friends and family. Soak up the love you already have in your life and you will attract more!

Then, get back in the game – but easy does it. Date casually. Keep things light. If you can, go out during the day rather than the night. This will build up your confidence, even if the sparks don’t fly. It’s good practice to know that there are available attractive people and you are one of them!

Next, give others a chance. If relationship after relationship has come to an end and you have not dealt with your feelings, you may be bringing a lot of unresolved matters with you. If your date orders spaghetti and your mind races to the time you threw spaghetti across the room during a fight with an ex, it’s time to slow down and do some housecleaning. Write out your feelings around different relationships and identify your pattern. Perhaps you have ignored big red flags in the past so now you are hyper-aware of everything your date says or does until no one can stand up to the scrutiny. Or perhaps you moved too fast with your last partner, so now you hold everyone at arm’s length for so long they can only conclude you are not really interested. By identifying your pattern, it will grant you the freedom to make choices.

And finally, just give it another go. Sometimes it’s just a matter of numbers. The only choice you have is to keep looking. So, get out there and give love one more chance – it may be all it takes!