3 Steps to a Freer You

The 4^th of July is when Americans celebrate freedom from colonial rule and the founding of our nation. As such, it’s also a perfect time to gain perspective on whatever you feel is holding you back – then break free from it completely!

If you’re among the millions of people who feel as if your dreams are escaping you, worried you’ll never be free from debt, loneliness, fear or fill-in-the-blank, then while everybody else is grilling hamburgers and watching fireworks, consider this: you can use the spirit of Independence Day to free yourself.

Step 1: Let go of your self-perceived obstacles
It may sound wishy-washy or esoteric, but most of the obstacles we face are only obstacles in our minds. Consider great people throughout history and some of the challenges they’ve met – and conquered – on their way to greatness.

Nelson Mandela served more than 20 years in prison before he became South Africa’s first black leader. Helen Keller was blind, deaf and mute but went on to inspire generations with her writing and humanitarian work. Bill Clinton’s father died three months before he was born and his working class mother married an abusive alcoholic. Yet he went on to become the President of the United States. In other words, obstacles are just a matter of how you react to them.

No matter how overwhelmed you feel, how impossible the odds seem, take a step back and envision the life you want to have. Then, rather than thinking about why you can’t get it, consider how you can. Lastly, write up a plan for yourself – even if you have to take it a single goal at a time. One of the most freeing things you can do is give yourself a map. It stops you from feeling lost and gives you the confidence to forge ahead.

Step 2: Put yourself first
Achieving your goals requires focusing on yourself. This doesn’t mean you don’t make time for the people in your life who love (and in some cases, need) you. If you’re a parent, of course you have to care for your children and prioritize their needs. The same goes for a spouse if you’re married, your significant other in a relationship and naturally to some extent, even for your friends. But if you don’t make yourself and your happiness a priority in your life, no one else will. You will always feel saddled – and you’ll never be free.

Let the fact that you actually need at least a little time to yourself (even if it’s 20 minutes a day) sink in. Know it in your heart (even if your mind is telling you you’re nuts) and commit to it. Then stick to that commitment because otherwise, you’re selling yourself short. A full, enriched life doesn’t happen on its own. You have to work at it. And you deserve the effort – no matter what.

Step 3: Take responsibility for your happiness
When we get overwhelmed by life, it’s easy to blame other people. If your husband/wife/kid/mother/best friend wasn’t so demanding you’d have the time to focus on you. You’d be able to go to grad school or take a vacation or spend more time doing – whatever it is you love. Right? Wrong.

Only you can control how you spend your time. Down the road when you’re on the porch in your rocking chair, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll look back and say “I wish so-and-so hadn’t prevented me from doing x, y or z.” Rather, you’ll say “I’m glad I did x!” or “I wish I’d done z.” That’s because by then, you’ll understand that you shape your own destiny. But sadly, it will be too late to change the choices you made along the way. So take responsibility now.

Don’t wish. Just do. Once you own your own power, you’ll free yourself to use it.