When you point a finger at someone else, three fingers point back at you. It’s not just a Zen adage, it’s the truth. Literally point your pointer finger and then twist your wrist ever so slightly, revealing three pinned back fingers nestled in your palm. Those three fingers say, “the majority rules.”
Now that you’re in the hot seat, let’s examine what it means to take responsibility -– not find fault –- for yourself. Assuming responsibility for your actions simply means taking or possessing the outcome of any situation. Buddhist philosophy espouses that each cause we make in the present has a direct karmic effect in the future. So if you’re having a rough day and hit the car in front of you because “they were too slow” or if you yell at your significant other because “they were insensitive,” it’s actually you controlling your immediate environment. But instead of realizing this, we foist the blame and point the finger at others, distilling our own karmic power, ignoring the law of cause and effect.
We’ve all been given the ability to choose our own destiny or path in life, but when it veers off in an uncomfortable direction, we’re quick to assign responsibility to someone else. We do it in all sorts of ways. We blame people when mistakes are made at work, or take credit for others’ work, we vent and take our stress out on others, and generally find fault before we look in the mirror. Rarely do we take a step back and think, “Could I have done something different? What will I do better?”
It’s when we take these hard glances at ourselves that we become closer to evolving. Our growth experience has a direct relationship to how quickly we reach our destiny. You can’t grow if you don’t own up to your actions and decisions. So no matter how much humble pie we eat, it places us in direct line to receive the karmic reward or result. Not taking ownership of your part in any given scenario impedes any growth needed to continue.
“He, she, it, they” and external circumstances appear in front of us to teach us lessons. There’s no room for blame or excuses. Our surroundings serve as a reflection of our selves. Picture a huge floor to ceiling mirror — that’s what they are –- they’re YOU.
Too much energy is wasted placing the blame on others, detracting from the value or silver lining you’re meant to glean. It’s like catering to a narcissist — you can never fully feed the beast. Once you give your power to another, you miss out on the lesson. Then you just repeat it, too. Like any pattern, it will continue as long as you allow it. Awareness doesn’t emerge overnight, it takes time. But the sooner you realign your thinking to say, “I made a mistake, I’ll do better next time,” the sooner you’ll feel better – and wiser.
All you have is this moment. By replaying past events, grievances, injustices, and snafus, you beget inaction, frustration, and guilt. It’s a broken mental record. Tear up your list (or lists) of who did what, when, and why. Step out of your comfort zone, quit the blame game, and embrace each new lesson as an exciting opportunity.
14 thoughts on “Own Up To Yourself”
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thank u sir i am very happy read ur lauture,try to best,once u questio me ,wht i choose either fear or love ,same qustion i ask u what is best for me,2nd qustion if know i goto coninious madition that is best for me,
Yes this is a wonderfully awakening message to hold with you on your journey. However I truly do understand your point Angel Cameron as I too am in a relationship with a very controlling discontented man. My journey began 3 years ago and progress is slow and steady however the more I look inside myself and discover my path the more open my eyes are becoming to the situation I am in and the type of person I have been with for 20 years. Unfortunately he is miles behind me in personal development and whilst he acknowledges spirituality he cannot bring himself to look inside. Sometimes our journeys can be fraught with difficulties and complications brought on by the reality of our own personalities and of those around us. I love the 3 fingers pointing back at yourself……sort of like a sledge hammer of a statement….
One more thing . . . . I also will print out this article and send it on to friends.
What a wonderful article! It is a very difficult thing to do – to look at oneself – and realize that you are completely and totally responsible for everything that happens to you. But, when you do, there is a quiet sense of calm and peace that seems to come over you and then all seems right with the world. When you realize that you have that kind of very powerful control over your life, then all is good! Thank you, Suzanne, for saying it so well.
I do admit to blaming my husband most of the time for our fights. I guess it’s because he starts calling me names and yelling at me so instead of admitting that I made a mistake it’s easier to just blame him for the argument/arguments. I do hoiwever, feel sometimes like he just wants everything his way. He will say stuff like you don’t listen to me, or your always ignoring me, and you don’t think you just do. I feel like my husband is a very domineering and demanding man. I feel like he treats me like I’m one of the kids (we have three) and not his wife he will also tell me that I just want to do what I want but it feels like he can do what he wants but I’m not allowed to do anything without his permission that’s how he makes me feel.
I know someone who blames everyone and everything for the way there life is actually this person blames me all the time for something they did to me and is always accusing me of cheating usually when someone does that its because they cheated and they blame the other person so they can dump the responsability on someone else for their actions I think anyone who cannot own up to what they have done is a coward
That’s a solid point, AngelEyes. Thanks, everyone for your insight and comments. We’re all here to strengthen and support each other.
Wow, Fabulous article,
This is such an easy cycle to slip into, I believe it takes a bigger person to look at ones self, accept the blame in ones life, But yet of course change, evolve our-self start to fill those shoes that we were meant to fill.
Blessings and Big Hugs….
Jacqueline x9472
I like what you said and how you expressed your thoughts on the matter of owning up to things. We live our lives in such negative aspects that when someone shines a light on you and says be the bigger person own up to your mistakes it turns a lightbulb on in your head. Allbeit that we do tend to play the blame game out of probably our own insecurities we also have the inate ability to say maybe I should not have said that it makes me look and sound like a desparate fool. Owning up gives us a sense of self respect and self esteem that we all work toward in our daily lives. I enjoyed the article and AngelEyes response to the article.
Love this article- will print it out for my teenage daughter!!
Thank you,
Lisa
Great article, thank you for reminding us that taking responsibility is powerful. And that no one has respect for the person we all know who says “well, if he/she hadn’t said that or done that, I wouldn’t be in this position at all”…. Don’t have a lot of respect for those who don’t take any responsibility, do we?
I don’t believe that our actions control everything around us-there are other factors-we are definitely not omnipetent, but taking responsibility is a fabulous way to build our paths.
Sincerely,
Maryanne
Ext. 9146
Excellent article !!!!!!!
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
This is a wonderful point and something I have been practicing for quite some time. I think being human though there are always instances where you find yourself blaming or looking back to past grievances, etc. The real trick of owning up is being able to spot these mistakes faster and correct them faster.
Owning up to things is also a great way to boost self esteem as it puts more control into your life and you start to view people and situations from a different perspective. On top of which, you’ll find that people will respect you more and respect what yous say, even if you are letting them know you are unhappy with something they’ve done.