Start Saying No!
When someone asks you for a favor, do you automatically say yes, only to regret it later? It’s nice to be helpful, but there is such a thing as being too helpful, especially when what someone else wants means you have to cancel your plans, take on a huge responsibility, spend your hard-earned money or throw your work-life balance out of whack. Here’s why you can say no without feeling guilty.
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The “Will You Babysit My Kids” No
Have you ever had a friend, neighbor or family member ask you to babysit their kids? It can be really hard to say no, but you can still refuse without feeling like a jerk. Maybe you’re not comfortable around children. Maybe you don’t like children. What if they get hurt or sick while in your care? Maybe you don’t want that kind of responsibility. Maybe you have plans. Whatever the reason, you don’t have to feel obligated to watch someone else’s children. If someone misses an appointment or a date because you said no, don’t feel guilty. Their children are their responsibility, not yours.
The “Will You Work Late” No
When your boss asks you to work late or on the weekends, do you say yes when you really want to say no? No one wants to work overtime, especially when they aren’t getting paid for it. And even if you do get paid extra, working overtime really disrupts your work-life balance. So say “no” if you don’t want to put in extra time, especially if you were never told the job required overtime. And even if you knew the job required overtime when you took it, you can still say no. But you may want to think about looking for another job with a better work-life balance.
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The “Please Donate to My Cause” No
It’s nice to have a giving spirit, but if you donated money to every charity your friends, family, co-workers and acquaintances supported, you’d go broke. So how do you say no without feeling like an unfeeling miser? You can allot a certain amount of money each month or each year to charity and then dole it out as you see fit. Some causes are more important to you than they are to others. What matters is that you are giving something.
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The “Can You Loan Me Some Money” No
Whether it’s a few dollars, a few hundred or a few thousand, loaning money can cause a lot of problems, yet people ask their friends or family for money all the time. If someone is asking to borrow money, it may be because they think you won’t hound them about paying you back or perhaps you’ll consider it a gift and not a loan. Don’t loan anyone money in the first place, but if you do, make sure you get it in writing when and how they will pay you back! You don’t have to give someone money just because they ask for it. You’ve worked hard for it. You’ve earned it. It’s yours.
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The “Let’s Get Together for a Last-Minute, Late-Night Date” No
It’s great when someone you’re attracted to asks you out. It’s not so great when they do it at the last minute and late at night, otherwise known as a “booty call.” If you’re looking for more than late-night sex, you’ll want to turn this invitation down. If regret sets in, remember, it’s not a missed opportunity to get to know them better or to launch a long-term relationship. If you don’t say no to this invitation, you are saying no to a long-term relationship with someone else and you are saying yes to a casual hookup with someone who isn’t really interested in getting to know you.
Say no. Say it with confidence and say it without regrets.
13 thoughts on “Say No. Say it With Confidence. Say it Without Regrets!”
Why is it a given that one must feel guilty for saying no? Since when should one feel an obligation to say yes? Guilt is a waste of time, all the more so when one does nothing wrong. If one is guilty of wrongdoing, making reparations makes much more sense than guilt.
No and Yes are the two facets of the same coin and one should know when, to whom and how to display a particular side….. as the saying yes should not be due to weakness rather it should be a virtue…. likewise saying know should not be for depriving but for giving as a mother says no to unwise demand of the child…. no should never be negative but an expression of positive attributes….
I agree with Quinn and Devyn….boundaries are important
Give joyously from the heart because you WANT to, not because you feel you HAVE to…..and it’s a fulfilling, win/win for both sides…..
( mentally, emotionally, and, also, Karmically for you ).
Great article! When you say yes when you really would like to say no it builds an energy of being taken advantage of. Drawing your boundaries allows you to be a joyful giver because when you are able to help you do it with an open, giving heart not from a feeling of guilt about saying no.
Many people just play saying NO to seem powerful. we are human beings, we are designed to support each other, but keep the balance. Article is good to learn about western mentality.
WOW…what an Empowering article…great advice for everyone, including those of us who think we know everything. Having a loving, giving & generous heart, yes, it is hard to say “NO” to many causes, including the examples in this article. The most prolific one is the last one about the “Booty Call”…most women seek a loving, spiritual partner and false energy may arise as a result of the soul-searching. Really think about the “hook-up”, especially if wine or alcohol is involved. Avoid any favor of a ride home, etc. Value yourself and do the right thing. Experience is a great teacher…and we all make mistakes, poor judgment, only trying to connect with someone on a higher level. Therefore, honor yourself and the willingness to open your heart to someone, even if they do not reciprocate. At least you tried, right? So…move on, focus on what you DO WANT from a relationship and the right person will eventually cross your path, as long as you are living the life you dreamed of. Go on and enjoy yourself!
in the Buddhist practice there is a term called “idiot compassion”.
often once realizing that you say yes way to much and never say no you understand the definition of “idiot compassion”.
when being to nice hurts you more than it helps the other.
great article Dania.
-quinn
Very egotistic artivle
I feel saying no is good and learning not to over sacrifice is important to have good committed realationships, but I do feel we have to be careful not to become too tight. We already live in a culture where we are most comfortable in seperateness and every man for themselves. There has to be good discernment around when to give unconditionally in special circumstances.
Great article Dania! This problem is something a lot of us experience – “No” doesn’t always have to be negative; you’ve shown it can also be empowering. Thanks.
~LJ
Thank you I needed to be reminded that it’s not my responsibility therefor I should not feel guilty nor bad for saying what’s real in my heart.
I appreciate the tips ! I have done all these “can’t say no ” to all of these favors and really it throws my work life imbalance ! Regrets can only happen after the fact ! I have to start anew !thank you !
I hv gone through your write-up, its Good n practicable. But since we leave in INDIA where we never say no to anybody, might be due to helpfull nature. I m yet to convince myself whether I can change myself