Create Realistic Expectations
Patsy from Pocatello, Idaho asks:
I have met a man who has had serious alcohol related issues for years and years. Is it really possible for him to be able to stop drinking just because he meets someone he likes now?
Carmen Responds:
Dear Patsy,
First of all, anything is possible. Is it likely that he will stop drinking? No, not so much.
People don’t stop an addiction because of someone else; at least not usually. Also, it is never a good idea to enter into any relationship in hopes that the other is going to change. This will only result in disappointment and resentment. If you want a relationship with this man, you do need to consider if you can stay with him the way he is right now!
Alcoholics won’t stop drinking because they met the “right” person. This is due to the fact that their addiction has nothing to do with anyone else. No one made him start drinking, and no one will make him stop drinking either.
“Ask for guidance, trust it will be done, and listen for your answer.” – Mimi ext. 5522
The part where an alcoholic seeks help, if he does seek help, is a personal point they will have to reach on their own. It is, what I call, the “oh shit” moment; the so-called rock bottom where they will feel the need to finally seek help and stop making excuses or living in denial. For some addicts, this point never comes. For those who do decide to become sober, they have a long, rocky road ahead of them that requires a lot of discipline and hard work.
So my advice honestly would be to really think twice before entering into a relationship with an addict. This is not an easy task, and I personally feel that there should come a point in our life where we have the responsibility to take care of our own needs, instead of trying to save or rescue another. If he has been drinking for years, as you said, and has not yet quit, chances are he won’t do it now, simply because you walked into his life. And please remember that promises and good intentions don’t mean anything, unless they are supported by actions.
Take care and all the best to you!
“Ask your guides, or higher self, daily for guidance. Remember, your guides’ job is to listen to you and help you!” – Abrielle ext. 9894
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7 thoughts on “Speak Up: Will They Change for You?”
I think you know how much a person loves you by the way they treat you. Think about it.
i have a boy friend that he loves play with my holy book
wat i can do ? he want marry me by this way , he say its love , life full of love with pissing on holy book like bible. wat i can do ? he loves me and he want get apart be caz i dont like
To thine own self be true. (:
He’s the love of my life.
I just found out that my boyfriend has been with another women. He has shown me nothing but love. We have been together a long time. I know he loves me, but I haven’t heard from him in days. Will he come back to me? He’s the love of my lift and I know we would need to talk things out but I want him back. Want should I do?
I agree with the advice you gave Patsy. I am friends with a really nice, sweet guy. I would love to be more than friends. We have such a good start, but he smokes. I told him I don’t date or fool around, lol, with smokers. I haven’t since college and don’t expect to start now (am in my 50’s). Smoking is a terrible addiction. I witnessed what it did to my Mother (COPD and Emphysema). My take on addictions is this. If someone does not love their self enough to take care of the only body they’re going to have in this lifetime, then why should I think he will love me and take care of me?
Very good point because I just had a month long relationship with an alcoholic and decided to leave it because he was just too needy. Although he was trying to quit when he was with me, I talked to him later and he had been pushing the edge with the drinking when I was no longer in the picture.
I do have a bigger issue with an ex-boyfriend who left me after 11 months to go back to an ex-girfriend who he says is not his lover. Like I believe that one. Now he keeps texting me sometimes and say he likes me and wishes things had been different. Wants to go out for dinner and I said no. I can’t do this because I loved him. What do you do with a man who does not really commit but yet won’t leave you alone either. Thanks.