Who Needs Approval?

We’ve all gotten that icky feeling that someone (or a group of someones) we know, or barely know, just doesn’t like us. You can pick it up from a look, an attitude and some will just say it to our face. When it happens it’s often hard to remember that no one in the entire world is liked by everyone. Then there’s the reality that for every one person who doesn’t take a shine to us, there are at least ten others who think we are the cat’s meow!

We can’t be everything to everyone. We can’t paint our loyalties different colors to please other people. We can only be who we are. And that means that not everyone is going to like you. Even if you spend your life constantly “people-pleasing” others (which never works in the long run) chances are, someone in your world doesn’t like you – and, that can hurt. So if you are stinging from a sour-face in your face, a turned back or an unfriendly barb, here are some ways to stop looking for their approval – and learn to detach.

Maybe it’s not about you!
If you can’t come up with a reason that someone doesn’t like you, chances are, there isn’t a reason that has to do with you. And yes, that isn’t really fair, but not too much in life is. You just don’t know what you trigger in other people. Maybe you just rub someone the wrong way because you’re very different than they are or you remind them of someone or something unpleasant. Who knows what it could be? And the truth be told, you may never find out. And really, do you even care? It could be one or a million things. If you could go into their head and analyze it all, you’d find it really doesn’t have much to do with you at all. So, knowing that, get over it, and let it go.

When it is about you
If you still can’t stand someone not liking you, then that obsessive behavior is about you. If you have started retelling the way this person looked at you or didn’t look at you to everyone you know – you have become the person who hates you. Think of all the power you are giving to this person over your happiness and inner peace. By replaying the slight in your mind over and over you are turning something that happened in an instant into something that is happening every instant, all the time. Think of how badly you are treating yourself! You have turned the slight into a sledgehammer. The bad news is, this is probably not going to improve relations between you and the person who doesn’t like you. The good news is, the only person you need to talk with to turn down the intensity now, is you.

Get over it
If you haven’t gotten over what happened, by now, and you’ve immersed yourself into analyzing the situation to death by going over every interaction you’ve ever exchanged, you’ve got to know from experience that all this circular thinking is going to go nowhere. You may never understand what the “real” problem is. And face the facts, we really can’t make other people like us when they just don’t!

We all want approval and love from the outside, but isn’t it better when it comes from those who genuinely like you for who you are, and what you stand for? Think about it, aren’t there people in your life, who you don’t care for? Maybe that idea will help you let go.

So, if you are stuck in the rut of feeling unliked, turn on the love – for you and then for them! Don’t beat yourself up because they are uncomfortable with something about you. Instead, whenever you see or think of them, say in your mind, “I wish for you everything you want for yourself,” and go on with your day.

That one little mantra can release you from your obsession and the vibration you send out when you say it creates a “spiritual” win/win situation. Now that’s a dynamic we can all live with!