Dear Red,
How do you get over a soul mate kind of love? I want to move on because this person and I can’t seem to get it together and I don’t want to wait forever. But I also don’t want to be with someone else and always thinking of my “soul mate.” I tried it before and throughout my whole marriage, I thought of him (and it ended in divorce)! Now I’m single and have dated him again… I have the same feelings but he is not in the same place as me. He has too much going on.
I started to date someone else and I m falling in love again, but I feel like I’m holding back because I wonder if this other person and I will ever get it together. Help!
Heather in San Jose
Dear Heather,
Sometimes it is not possible to completely eradicate the feelings of love that we have. Sometimes the best we can do is just come to terms with the reality of the situation, and with effort and time, come to a place where we no longer are consumed by that which we don’t fully understand.
When love is nurtured, it tends to grow. When neglected, it can wither and die. It is not this huge and indestructible object; it is an ever-changing entity. It is harder to deal with that which is felt but not seen, exists but has no form or mass.
This is going to hurt, but pain tends to be a very important aspect of growth and healing. I don’t see you and your soul mate man connecting for a long-term, stable relationship in this life. And, even though he does have feelings for you, his are not on the same level as yours. This is something you need to work on accepting, so that you may fully come to terms with it. While it will not erase entirely what you feel for this man, it will shift your perspective. Wanting and wishing that things could be different than what they are helps to strengthen the bond you feel to him. That in itself makes it harder for you to fully embrace love that is being offered, as well as the love you have to offer someone else.
Looking at your other relationships; you seem to be under the impression that one love will erase the other. It doesn’t work that way for you. Especially when you find yourself rating how you feel about one person versus the other.
The best way to move forward in this life is by putting one foot in front of the other. In your case, you need to distance yourself from this man of your past. It’s just not meant to be this time around. Once you can accept that, you will be able to view him a little differently. Not in a bad way, just one that is a bit clearer. This will help you make choices that are based more in the life you are living, rather than the one you have created in your fantasies.
“Getting over” someone doesn’t mean forgetting or erasing all feeling. It simple means dealing with things in a healthy and productive way that strengthens you, rather than weighs you down.
Best of luck to you.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226
