Regisa from New York writes:
Hi Red,
My boyfriend, a Virgo, has been acting strange lately (he lives in another state). At first, he just shut down and didn’t want to see me, talk to me, or text me for a good two months … After I went through a nervous breakdown and severe anxiety, he started to talk to me. I know he has health issues and many other problems, but in every reading I’m told to be patient because he loves me and he thinks about marrying me.
Lately, it seems like he has changed. He doesn’t feel the same about me, about our love, and all of this is making me feel very frustrated, depressed, and sad. I love him so much — all I want in this life is to be with him. I wake up every morning in so much fear that everything that happened during those two months will be repeated again. I want to know what made him change, what made him act so cold? Do I have a future with him? Is he thinking of a future with me? Please help me out, so I can find peace in my heart. Thank you.
Dear Regisa,
Your boyfriend is struggling with all facets of his life right now, and his stresses are bleeding into your relationship. He’s been spending a lot of time in his head, mainly focusing on all that is wrong with his life, and the world. He’s really not the happiest of campers these days.
Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes for your relationship. Your boyfriend has to figure things out for himself, and get his life plans straight in his head. Some days, his plans for the future revolve around you and marriage — other days, he envisions a torturous life of loneliness. Most of the time, he is just confused. He thinks that you have everything going for you, and he believes that he is likely to hold you back. This thought pattern is largely why he pulls away and sometimes shuts down. When you try and pry out of him what is going on, it tends to make things worse instead of better, because it adds to his pressures and struggles.
If you can be patient, and be supportive of him without having to have all of the answers and a concrete plan in place, he will eventually get back to being the admiring and devoted guy you fell in love with. If you can’t, things could get a little hairy between the two of you. While he doesn’t have any conscious intentions of disappearing again, there will be times when he needs a bit of time and space.
If you can talk to him about your concerns without expectations, you may be able to find a little more peace during this difficult time. Be honest, but let him know that you feel like you are being shut out. Even though it will be hard, try not to focus too much on your anxiety, and tell him that you will try and be as supportive of him as you can be. When there is less pressure about how the relationship is going to evolve, each of you will be a bit more free to enjoy each other by living in the moment, rather than focusing on what comes next.
Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give to those we love is the freedom to figure things out for themselves. You aren’t in danger of losing him to anyone else, but he does need to find his own sense of balance before he can be a true partner to you once again.
Red
