A.S. in New York writes:
I was dating a guy for only a few months but the connection was instant and very strong on both sides. We shared some very special times until he met with an ex-girlfriend and married her after just a few weeks. I was devastated because our relationship was over before it even had a chance. My question is how can I just forget about him?
I’ve tried many different ways but nothing is helping. I keep feeling that his marriage won’t last and that I will hear from him again. I know this isn’t healthy and I get mad at myself because I know I should just move on. Why can’t I just forget him?
Dear A.S.,
Beating yourself up for having feelings for this guy isn’t going to help, or change anything. So, stop it. I know that is much easier said than done…
There are a lot of karmic ties between you and this man. Those ties are partly responsible for the power and connection of bringing the two of you together, but also part of the reason why it is so challenging for you to let go and move on. There is a lot of unfinished business here, from this life, and several others. Unfortunately, there is no cure or textbook answer on how to just move on. You just have to do the best you can to understand and work your way through.
Your relationship was over before it had a chance to start because you were more invested in him than he was in you. While that may stink to hear, it doesn’t make it any less true. The man in question is awesome, but he is also very lost and weak. Honestly, it looks like it could be years before he really gets himself together. While there was a time when you may have embraced the opportunity to stand by his side while he muddled his way through, he has technically blown that opportunity. Understand that you haven’t failed him, but he has failed you.
He had a lot of unfinished business with his ex, and he married her in haste. While this isn’t a marriage that will last until the end of time, it is a complication that directly impacts you. When the honeymoon is over, which looks like February of ’09, he will reach out to you again. When he does, he is still very much married – and I really hope you will tell him to go away. He had his chance and made his choice, which has effectively unraveled all that which “could have been.” He just isn’t strong enough to right the wrongs in this life for a relationship with you to be a win-win.
I don’t know that you can forget about him, but you will find a way to let go. If not now, then you will after the next round – because if you let him into your life again it will hurt twice as bad when he again decides it is time to go. He did what he needed to, followed his instincts with what he felt was right. You can’t fault him for that, nor do you have to bury all of the positive memories and moments that the two of you shared. Sometimes letting go is less about what you forget, and more about recognizing what was good and true, and aiming higher.
Hope that helps,
Red
Ext. 9226
