Red Responds: Both Men Are Getting Divorced

Dear Red:

Please help! I’m in love with 2 men. Mark and I were lovers for 2 years. Yes, it started out as an affair, but I fell head over heels in love with the man. We broke up 12/31/05, and I was heartbroken. Today, we remain friends, but I still ache inside so much.

I was introduced 02/05/06 to Warren thru a mutual friend. We hit it off immediately, and have been inseparable ever since. He is the only man other than Mark for whom I felt attraction both physically and emotionally. We have an honest, caring, loving relationship. He even knows of Mark, and vice versa. Both are in pending divorces, and very similar in all respects. I’m afraid to commit more to Warren for fear of Mark possibly changing his mind in the future. Am I crazy? Is either man the “right” man for me?

Desperate for advice,
Penny

Dear Penny,

I feel that there is still some unfinished business between you and Mark on the romantic plane, but more in the manner of a last go-round rather than a reunion. If that is something you need to explore before you can fully move ahead in the relationship department, you will be afforded that opportunity. I must warn you, however, it presents as a fling and not as a relationship. So, if it is something you must do, be careful! I’m not getting the happily-ever-after.

It’s great that you are able to maintain a friendship with Mark, even though your feelings for him run much deeper. I would like to advise you to let yourself heal from the love that was lost, and cherish the friendship that remains. The two of you will always have a special bond and a special place in each other’s hearts.

As for Warren, enjoy the relationship you have and allow it to continue to grow. It would be unfair of you to offer to commit more deeply to him with the full knowledge that he is your second choice. Just be as honest as you can be with him, and take things a day at a time. I really don’t see him going anywhere.

Right now you need to spend some time with yourself and sort through your feelings. Don’t be in such a hurry to figure out who is your Mr. Right, for there will be time for that after you figure out you a bit more. You feel a little lost at the moment.

From what I see, you have a past with one man and a future with the other. Penny, time is on your side. Use it to figure out who you are, and who you want to be. When you get to that place of peace and understanding within yourself, you won’t have to ask if your Mr. Right is standing by your side; you’ll already know.

Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226