Red Responds: Is He Really Dating Both of Them?

Dear Red,

I separated last year and moved across the country to B.C. This past June, I met a wonderful man and we are very compatible. So much so it truly amazed me. He has been separated for 11 years and has had several dates in the past and one 3 year relationship which he left about 9-10 months ago. We have now been dating for 3 months and suddenly, a lady calls me up out of the clear blue stating that she is this lady from the relationship and that he is dating both of us!! She said that she knows about me and is very angry with our man… She states that he said to her that we are not having a sexual relationship, however, during our conversation, I told her the truth (we are). She told me that she just wanted to warn me since he shouldn’t be doing this.

I approached my man and just told him what happened. He was as devastated as I was and says he can’t understand why she is doing this. He says that she is lying. I do not know what to believe. He says she is nuts and thats why he left her. He also said that he was going to get a restraining order against her, because she calls him and shows up at his door whenever she wants and complains to him when he doesn’t answer her phone calls. He said, even though they broke up, they were still friends and thats why he talks to her… but no more.

I am still in the state of “I don’t know what to believe.” I left him with that and said that he needed to do what he needed to do, but I want proof.

I actually love him very much and have never met anyone like him. We are like Jam and Peanut butter, apple pie and ice cream. He said he would call me. What do you see here?

Linda in White Rock, B.C.

Dear Linda,

It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if your man has called you before this is published.

You have a very good relationship going with this guy. The two of you can absolutely work through all of this; if you want to.

I don’t blame you for being confused, and I applaud that you handled everything from a position of strength and self-respect. That’s one of your qualities that has him so enamored, by the way.

Let me help clear up some confusion. While it is true that he still kept in touch with his ex, he hasn’t had physical relations with her in quite some time. Certainly not since he’s been with you.

While he didn’t deny to this woman that your relationship with him is physical, he also didn’t confirm it. I really don’t have anything that leads me to believe that he has been trying to play you in any way; but he does try and avoid confrontation and flammable subject matter with his ex. She can be a bit volatile.

Your boyfriend was being very sincere when he told you he would cut off communication with his ex; but he will also try and avoid getting a restraining order. Legal or not, he’ll handle it. I really don’t see this woman as a threat to you or this relationship; just a nuisance.

While all of this has definitely impacted your relationship, it doesn’t need to define it. You don’t have to take my word for it; as per your request, he’ll prove it to you.

I just love happy endings….

Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226