Dump That Mooch!
Anita from Haines City asks:
I have been living with someone for over five years now and he practically lives off of me, financially. He only works a 20-hour work week; sometimes only two hours a night. He won’t push to get himself straight with a job or a vehicle, so he relies on me for stability. I am tired of this and when it comes to marriage, he never talks about it unless I say something. I am tired of living with a man who is not responsible for himself, nor is he able to be a man in this relationship. He says he is trying, but he is very slow. He also looks at a lot of other women and this makes me feel as if he is just using me for security reasons. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am really getting depressed. I have a career and I do very well for myself and just want someone to love me. What should I do? Please help. I was in an abusive relationship for 25 years and it took me a long time to get out of it. This relationship is kind of abusive emotionally, too. I am going crazy trying to figure out what to do. Please help me.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Dear Anita,
You are a strong, but compassionate woman. That compassion seems to be getting in your way a wee bit.
Deep inside, you know your boyfriend really isn’t striving to better himself or his situation. He’s quite comfortable with things as they are, and really has no motivation to change things. What confuses me the most about the arrangement the two of you share is, what exactly are you getting out this relationship?
I know he can be charismatic and charming at times, and the two of you do have a bit of fun together here and there. But, it really doesn’t look like there’s enough of these good times to balance out or offset the stress that falls on you for taking care of you both. You have some of the pleasures of having an boyfriend, yet all of the responsibilities of having an adult child.
I know you don’t want to be alone, but you really need to spend some time considering exactly how much quality this man adds to your daily life. I’m not seeing a whole lot, but I could be missing something…
If you really want to be married again, you are going to have your hands full with him. He really doesn’t want to be married. This has nothing to do with you; it’s just a legality he would rather avoid.
The two of you do care for one another, but neither of you is madly in love. Each of you has grown comfortable with the familiarity and securities that the other provides.
Not every relationship is meant to last. Some of them come into our lives for a stretch of time so that we can get back on our feet, and figure out what we truly want. While you don’t want to be the “bad guy,” you also don’t present as if you really want him. You’ve outgrown him, and this relationship. There is no shame in that. You aren’t obligated to maintain him or his current lifestyle, yet you allow guilt to hold you still.
Your history of crappy and abusive relationships may have helped shape you, but it has also strengthened you. You will be fine. True, you will be on your own for a bit, having to deal with the frustrations of the dating game, but you will no longer settle for men who aren’t your equal.
When you’re ready, you will bring this relationship to an end, because you have to let go of the man-child in order to make room for a real man.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
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7 thoughts on “Red Responds: Are You in Love With a Mooch?”
Thank you for your wise advice.
I think that nowadays more women are in this position because they are over educated versus the men they date, and men who do not want to face life, need a mother instead of a wife, they are confused about their role and don’t want to commit.
I got friends in this kind of relationship or marriage and they don’t see how to get out because they are caught in this toxic relationship and are afraid of the unknown.
Right on, Red !!!! Vey good advice.
It’s so odd, but when I read Anita’s question, it crossed my mind that I’ve been doing many readings on this same topic lately, more so than usual it seems.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Hello Anita, I agree with Red 100%. It is true that to a great extent, we teach people how to treat us and your loving heart has allowed an opportunist to gain the upper hand through withholding love and manipulation, should you not do what he wants. This man is actually terribly depressed. At one time he had plans and dreams and goals, but something happened, and at this point in time, because he has done nothing towards achieveing what he once wanted so badly he has fallen into dispair and lethargy about everything, and thinks of himself as a victim. He is shut down; not functioning as the man he knows he should be, but doing nothing to make anything better. He will continue to be as he is until you do something about him. You are a good person. You deserve a man who respects himself and will do for you out of the love and respect he has in his heart for you. The Sanskrit Teachings tell us that we must let go of what we don’t want before we can reach for what we do want. I feel strongly that you will make the right decision about all this.
Many blessings, Fiona
I have fallen for a Taurus man for two years now his b-day is April 28 1970. He says all the things I want to hear but does not do the things he says. I feel I can’t trust him now over new developments in our relationship. I find myself wondering why I didn’t see things clearly and why I thought this relationship was different I clearly put my all into this man and my future. I find myself now in debt, lost my home, my job, my car and now I am on the bridge of emptyness. He clearly betray his self as all the things I wanted a man to be but didn’t follow there on his end. He made me think he loves me and he still says he loves me and wants to be with me forever spite all the financial problems we have had together. I feel in some ways used in some ways he with another woman or could it have to do with drugs. If he can’t be 100 with me and spends have his time with me and another location for 2 years I don’t see us ever being together like he claims. I clearly love this man with everything…I felt he was truly my soulmate…but now I don’t no anymore….I need some guideness..I need your help….kelz…
Great job, Red! Speaking from experience, having someone mooch off of you is not only damaging to your finances, even with the best of intentions, it is also hobbling and debilitating to the moocher.
In this life, you get what you settle for…and you have to ask yourself WHY you are settling at all!
Many Blessings,
Jesse 9027
Wonderful advice, Red! She deserves better. I really believe what Steve Harvey wrote in his books about men, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Men should do the 3 Ps: Profess, Protect and Provide.
OMG!!! This is me….I’m so thankful for this info. The whole thing is exactly what I’m going through right now. The only different between Anita and Me is that ‘The Man Child’ that I’m with is a Sociopath. Which it make it worse. I’m exsosted!!! I have no more energy!!! It is so exsosting!!! I had never work more harder in my life…. I ask God every day to give me the strength and patience and to Please!!! Help me….. Every day that I wake up in the morning I’m just hoping and wishing to just not feel anything anymore. So I can just move on with my life ones of all. Thank you so much!!!