If you attract nothing but jealous or cheating people, it’s time to deal with the issues of your past. Heal and get ready to trust yourself again.
Kris from Key West asks:
Your answers are so clear and accurate to the situations. I truly hope you will address my question. I, too, am faced with a cheating fiance, who projected on me with intense jealousy. Having a past of hurtful men, what is it about me that attracted this situation? I strive to be honest and honorable, yet fall in love with bad men. This one seemed so perfect, but my intuition was blasting me with unease… I hope you can give me some of your healing insight as my tendency is to go inward and beat up on myself for being so stupid.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Dear Kris,
You can go inward and beat yourself up all you want – but it’s only going to make things worse, not better. So, I strongly advise that you skip that step, and go straight to the place where you understand that it’s okay to trust yourself far more and deeper than any other man, woman, or child on the planet.
You’re not stupid, Kris. You’re a kind, loving, trusting, sympathetic person. Okay, so you’ve made some bad choices. Who hasn’t? But the more you punish yourself, and the more you feel on some deeper level that you deserve “less than,” you’re increasing your chances of making the same mistakes.
It’s hard to trust your intuition when it comes to your own life. (Trust me, I know…) You’re too close to every situation, and that makes you subjective, not objective. You look at warning signs in terms of “him” and “his issues or flaws,” and your nature compels you to forgive, accept, or overlook some things. So you keep the faith, keep the trust, and the merry-go-round keeps spinning…
Men and women are both predators and prey. We might not like to admit this, but it’s true. Unfortunately, it seems that the predominant predator personalities out there are really good at sizing up whom they can manipulate the most. The relationships you’ve experienced seem to share one very strong common denominator – all of your loves have been damaged, manipulative souls – and the pattern has weighted you a bit more on the “prey” side of things. Unfortunately, when the predators find you, your ability to recognize that you’re a good person encourages you to open the door and let them in. You honor love, loyalty, and the goodness that resides in every person, so you tend to disregard your intuition out of your desire of a great, loving partner.
I don’t want to get all Freudian, but some of the issues and hurts you experienced in childhood have influenced your ability to be clearly objective when it comes to matters of the heart. These are issues you can work through. When you do, you will find that your energy shifts and you will be drawing people to you who share a stronger emotional and moral base. You will also learn to recognize the difference between being attracted to the individual or the individual’s potential. You see a lot in people, which is a beautiful thing, but you haven’t quite learned how or when to be wary of those who have yet to grow into their potential.
If there is an up-side to all the bad things you’ve been through and experienced in your search for love, it’s this: Your soulmate is coming. So while you may want to look at things like there’s something that you’re doing wrong or that maybe you aren’t meant to have what seemingly comes easily to others, I wouldn’t advise it. All self-flagellation does is give you some kind of justification for brutalizing yourself for not having achieved perfection. Instead, try to recognize that fear and old pain have been your tour guides on your romantic journeys, and fire them.
You have a good life, relationship, and marriage ahead of you. True, you haven’t met the right guy yet, just some pretty crappy placeholders. Since you still have some time to kill before you meet your true mate, take the time to learn how to be gentle with yourself. A therapist or hypnotherapist, particularly, can help you to release the fear and pain you hold inside, as well as free you from some other concepts that really no longer serve you. Through your transformation, with or without help, you will see and trust people for who they are and what they’ve earned, not who they have the potential to be.
The sooner you learn to trust your gut, the better off and happier you will be. In the meantime, move forward in your life knowing that the suffering you’ve endured in your relationships will be balanced out by broad shouldered, intelligent, successful honey of a reward in 2014!
I do hope this helps you.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
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7 thoughts on “Red Responds: Change Who You Attract”
Hi Red,
BRAVO!!
That was powerful. I felt like you were speaking directly to me. You really got to the crux of the matter. It really struck a chord with me and had me in tears. Kris’ story is my story. Thank you so much for the helpful advice. I will be kinder to myself and forgive my mistakes. I will try really hard not to bring past hurts to new relationships. I will start to believe that I too deserve to find my soul mate, and that I have a lot to offer them also.
Thank you again for sharing your insight!!
Red your comments and advice fit perfectly for men as well. I myself was brought up to see the god/good in people and in particular women. I was taught to be a gentlemen, allow people their mistakes or errors and to be a guiding light in others lives. The trouble with a romantic relationship is that I have allowed women into my life that I should have closed and dead bolted the door on. But my eagerness to establish a relationship along with my view of human nature propagated me into allowing them in. Once I did, and trust me, they knew my good nature, they immediately tried to manipulate and control me and that is NOT what love and relationships are about. When one has to try and control another and can not allow the person to be who they are, the relationship can only be temporary and doomed to failure and yet, I still run into women that feel they have to control things to make the relationship work. I disagree and therefore, I have decided that NO relationship, is the only relationship for me. I’m better off happy and single than frustrated and angry in one. NOTE: I just finished a book I hope to have out in fall. “Dating and the 50 year old man”. It’s truly a funny yet sad state of affairs regarding men and women right now and I don’t see it getting any better.
Well this is a great article, written and clear from the start, Sir Liam, you have a lady Competitor!!! You are both wise and clever.
Red,
I just read your answer to Kris from Key West. I, like her, was in the same situation for years. I would always attract or “pick” the wrong men. I finally have found the one man that treats me the way I should of been treated my whole life. He is a total gentleman, and I find myself falling for him more and more. Surprisingly, he is from my past, we knew each other when we were kids, but due to life, we moved away. We have both been married, and we both were in relationships that were not what we wanted or deserved. We are both a little gun shy, and don’t want to be hurt or lied to anymore. I guess what I am asking is- am I right about him finally being the “one”? We are both too old to be playing games and wasting any more time. Thank you so much.
..this is one of the sweetest and encouraging pieces of advice that Red has ever offered (well.. since I have been reading her answers, at least) !! thank you very much for being present at this time of major changes, dear Red <3. And as the characters (the blue beings) of the film "Avatar" salute themselves, I say to you: "I see you."
Thank you this is insightful… but I don’t think it applies to me… i am a soul that needs healing seeking therapy but perceive that i have a good man by my side. I’m going through a hard time emotionally and I’m afraid I’ll push him away… sometimes I felt like it was him being manipulative or it’s me with my personal emotional issues… it seems when i feel loved I sabotage myself..
It’s hard to differentate between a r eal issue from my emotional problem s… will i every be allow ed love
Dear Red, You are absolutely brilliant, as always. Love this article. You have a true gift for helping others in very practical ways. Bless you, Dear One! You rock!