There are times that a relationship hits a crossroad. One person wants to go one way and the other person wants to go in a different direction. Sometimes that means you need to let that person go!
When Your Partner Won’t Let You Fix Him
Katherine from Chicago asks:
I have been in an on and off relationship for about three years. The man I was dating has not had a job for awhile and was depressed on and off. I recently secured a job for him with a family member and while this has helped a lot, he still is working on regaining his self-confidence and self-worth. He recently told me we needed to discontinue contact if we were going to have any hope for building a relationship in the future. He says he needs time to rebuild himself so he can give himself to a relationship. When we are together we have a great time, but we also have been through some really low times. I love him a lot and know he loves me too, but part of me thinks if he loved me enough he would try and make things work now. Do you see our relationship working out in the future?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Dear Katherine,
Some people have a very challenging time accepting acceptance. Your friend has a few issues that he needs to work through. While it’s great that he recognizes this, it’s understandably frustrating to you that he’s decided he needs to work things through on his own. Because he can be more than a little stubborn, I really don’t see this changing.
You can look at his choices and decisions as if he doesn’t love you enough, but the reality is, you are dealing with a man who really has lost his sense of self. You can choose to respect that truth and take the risk of giving him the time and space he needs, or you can continue to be a presence in his life. Either way, there is one very important factor – he’s not wanting or asking you to save him. What he is asking for is time, because he believes he needs to work through things before he can commit to a relationship, and the responsibilities that come with it. Get more personalized advice, contact a psychic today!
You are a positive and supportive person, which is great! But, your friend is a little more caught up and comfortable with the lows of life. Those differences are more than enough to create a great deal of chaos and upheaval in a deeper facet of the relationship. There are two people he doesn’t want to fight with or hurt – you or himself.
You are in a very complicated position, because there is a lot of love between the two of you. Unfortunately, you two aren’t quite on the same page, so to speak. You want more with him, and from him, than he is currently able to give.
Some people will do anything for love, and others will only surrender fully to love when they feel it is the proper time and space in their lives to do so. While your man falls into the latter category, it doesn’t mean he loves you less – it only means he loves differently. If you want any chance of truly coming together with him, this is a concept you are going to have to learn to accept. Without that understanding from you, I’m sorry to say that things really don’t look too good for the long-term.
If you can love and accept this man as he is, then wait it out and hope and pray that things come together in a time frame you can live with. He is a great guy, but currently, he seems to have a bit of a knack of falling short of your hopes and expectations. If you truly believe this is the style of relationship and partner you want for yourself, by giving him the time and space he needs, you will achieve it.
Your friend really does make for a great friend and companion. With more than a little effort, struggle, and sacrifice on both your parts, you can make this work. But, honestly – it looks like life has different plans for you. Ultimately, I see you keeping in touch with your friend, but making your life with another.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
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5 thoughts on “Red Responds: He Doesn’t Want to be Saved by You”
Wow, this sounds like my same exact situation. I’ve known my guy for a year and a half. Everything was great the first 6 months but then between losing his job and other issues with his ex-wife, he hit his lowest point. We went through a lot of ups and downs the next few months, but I was blown away when he told me that he “wasn’t good for a relationship right now”. I was crushed and still am, but after reading this article I understand that it’s better for me to give him the space he needs to heal. I know that he truly cares about me just as much as I do for him. He is back working now and seems to be in a happier place. Hopefully time and space will bring us closer and into the relationship that we are both looking for.
WISHED I’D READ THIS ARTICLE MONTHS AGO. I HAVE BEEN WITH THE SAME KINDA MAN FOR 4 YEARS NOW. LOTS OF UPS AND DOWNS. I DIDN’T LISTEN TO THE THINGS HE WAS ASKING FOR AND TOOK IT AS A LET DOWN AND THAT HE DIDNT WANT ME. I FOUGHT A HORRIBLE AND WORTHLESS FIGHT. WE MARRIED AND WAS NOT MARRIED EVEN A YEAR; OBTAINED CUSTODY OF HIS SON AND WAS STILL FIGHTING FOR HIS DAUGHTER. HE MOVED BACK TO THE TOWN IN FLORIDA THAT ALL THE DRAMA WAS COMING FROM AND WE HAVE DIVORCED. I HAVE LOST MY SEAMING TO BE SOLE-MATE AND HE SEAMS TO BE DOING WELL. MY LOSS…
This sounds so similar to my own situation. When I met my guy, he was newly divorced. He needed “time”. We had our ups and downs, but I felt in my heart that he was the one. I began focusing on myself and my interests which took pressure off of him. We are together 3.5 yrs and he is opening up more than ever. It’s been worth the wait!
I Can So Relate. I’ve what feels like a “soul mate” man for 3 years (off & on). He’s been through so much turmoil & loss of self identity. And he (& I)realize that he’s not of benefit to me or the ultimate relationship until he settles himself. It has been difficult & painful AT Times. But ultimately the space is the best answer. Wishing each other well. And a knowing if it’s meant to be, then it will be. Until then … being unattached to outcome is the best place to be.
Thank you for this article, Red! And to Katherine, thank you for this inquiry! It’s coincidental I came across this article; it seems to be the exact advice I needed to hear/read. Ironically, I too have been involved in 3 year long on/off relationship, and am struggling with the exact problem. Great advice!!