When your heart has had enough, but your mind won’t let it go, this advice will help. See the road ahead and you will move on from this heartache.
When It’s Over and You Want to Let it Go
AC from Donetsk asks:
Exactly a year ago, I broke up with a man I’d had a tumultuous, and if I’m honest, addictive, relationship with for a few years. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, the aftermath of breaking up led to the worst year of my life. I still struggle to accept what happened and move on. I have just heard rumors that he is going through a very difficult time, the details were very hazy, but there was even the suggestion that he may have gotten someone pregnant by accident. Hearing this, although perhaps completely unfounded, has sent me back into the downward spiral of pain and anxiety about our relationship. I guess I just want to know – are these rumors true? What should I be prepared for in this situation? How can I STOP caring once and for all? Any insight you could give me to help the pain go away would be eternally appreciated.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Dear AC,
I’m so sorry that things have been so rough for you. Unfortunately, karmic relationships are often the most difficult to recover from. This relationship was soaked in karma…
There is a solid line of fact in the rumors you’ve heard. That certainly isn’t what you were hoping to hear, nor does it do anything overwhelmingly productive for your healing path. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t use the pain this swirls up to your benefit. You can, if you choose to.
When it comes to lost love and broken hearts, there is no magic pill. There is no advice that is so wise and so sage that it erases the pain and liberates the spirit. Sometimes, the only way out is through.
You are correct, though. You did the right thing. I often say, “Being bad is easy, it’s being good that’s hard.” Corny as it may be, it’s also true, and applicable to more areas of our lives than just our actions.
It’s very easy to get swept up in emotion and memory, and it’s challenging to stay present. Being present doesn’t mean you forget your past, or find the right button to push that makes all the love and pain of your history seem like a scene from someone else’s movie. But, being present does mean that you center yourself and focus your energy on Right Now, and all the truths of this moment in time. So, you are going to continue to care about him, but you need to realize that it is more important and productive to shift your focus to caring about you. Spend some time in quiet meditation to try and gain some clarity about the truest essence and effect this relationship had on you, and how it has shaped you into the person you have become. I’m not saying peel of scabs to old wounds so that you can focus on his flaws and shortcomings, though you might go through some of that. So, re-live it, then let it go – it no longer serves you. In time, you’ll get to a place where the good memories, and the “what coulda/woulda/shoulda beens” will seem a little lacking. If you’re diligent, you will get to that place that I call, “HUH!” It’s that moment when clarity washes you clean, understanding warms your center, and you are finally free to just, well, BE. Instead of tormenting yourself with your burden, you will become weightless with the exuberance of someone who finally knows their worth and capability. When you’re there, you can look back, see the good, bad and ugly. But it won’t rule you. Even though you still may care, this relationship falls away from defining you and into a place where it simply becomes an intense stretch of scenery in this life’s journey.
Through my own experiences, and more so, through the thousands of other lives I’ve stepped into while giving readings, I’ve learned that there really are two ways of viewing any situation. Both ways are valid, but when a person is in balance with themselves – the truths are much less harsh. It will take you time, effort, and a lot of hard work to get from, “He moved on without me” to “Wow, if I’d allowed myself to stay stuck, I would never have/had/achieved this happy, beautiful and loving life that I’m living now!” I do see you getting there. So, instead of making your mission one of letting go, understand that this is your cue to move forward; a chance to grow and change with an open heart. History refers to what was, but living is about not only what is – but everything that can be…
You will get through this. I promise. Happiness will come; when you’ve healed enough to embrace it.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
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10 thoughts on “Red Responds: How to Stop Caring”
I can relate to this post as well, I had a karmic relationship with a man I will always love because he is my soulmate, the love you feel for the souls who come to earth with you many times cannot be erased, you will always love them and nobody even yourself will understand why, having to balance karma from another life is the most painful thing ever, you don’t understand and you wont until you die. The way I have come to accept what happen is to not think about it, its there, but when I start thinking about it, I say….stop…and try to do something else, it is also good to stay busy doing things you like…it will take a lot of time to heal from a karmic relationship…God knows…unfortunately we have been hurt for no reason, not deserving it in this lifetime, what can we do? nothing but to keep moving forward, we do it or life do it for us by forcing us to heal, its the sad part of coming to earth.
unfortunately we have to keep living with the hope that one day we will be happy with someone else, there is no mercy, you want love then you heal, let go, move on and forget, love will not come to your life if haven’t taken out of your heart the one you loved, its the toughest part. you are hurt and then you asked for more to trust again or being alone. I hope one day when I die I can make sense of this. I’m feeling better and focusing my energy on me and trying to open my heart to love again, I do believe in the law of attraction and in visualization, so I close my eyes and I feel him, my true love, the one that comes to my life for love not karma, but for love, I’m sure universe will bring him close to me, that realization give me hope, I don’t know him yet but he is coming, he wouldn’t like to find me sad and hurt, so I’m healing at first for him and then when you start feeling better, you will start doing it for you, take a piece of hope and it will grow. Love to you beautiful souls.
HELLO ANGEL HEAVEN. Please do not focus on the hurts and wrap them around you like a blanket, I am going through a similar situation, throw the blanket away, put it somewhere, and move further away from it on a daily basis. Its not always what’s happened that matters, some one else’s failier as a person has clearly been thrown at you like a bucket of dirty water! Dry yourself down, concentrate now on all the positives that person bought you in all areas, and be thankfull for that, they too have a life to live and maybe one day they will realise their failings and be feeling pretty bad about it all. They say it takes two years for the suffering to get the person out of your daily life and feel free to live and love again. Find a hobby, make plans, socialise, and more importantly nourish yourself on a daily basis with happiness, love and give love. Do not dwell on sad songs, by all means have a bad day, an off day, then bin them as spent. Nourish yourself with all the positives that you are missing, a sunny day, a happy pet, good kids, good people, before you know it you will be free of a bad cycle of negativity. Good luck
Hello I’m writing this because me and my wife seperated about 4 mouths ago because she left me for another man with no job 4 kids and a girl friend . I gave my wife every thing she never had to work I did every thing that a husband is suppose to do in a marriage but this is what she left me for . I hear women talking about that they need a good man but when a women get a good man she screw it up becaus she so use to the bad men in her life my wife broke my heart I cant get her out my mind I won’t my wife back even if she did cheat on me I’m in love with her I dream of her every night is there a chance for use or should I just move on an how
Great article. But what do you do if you both still care after it’s over? And the feelings haven’t gone away? When there is still a hole in both of your hearts? When it was ended because it was illicit and you got found out?
What at wonderful and compassionate response from Red. I believe the fact that this woman wants to heal and release the pain, coupled with Red’s insight have her well on her way to finding her balance and happiness once again!
Love and Light,
Danni
Hi Red,
Healing can indeed be difficult, but time and changing perspective, generally is a healer in itself.
Loved your response, Red.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose
A very thoughful and educational answer, I think we can all relate to this and use it as a tool as and when ( if ) required.
Dear AC, – thank you for your question! Dear Red, – thank you for your response!
I’m in a similar situation where I clearly understand the letting-go-concept and all the reasons why I need to do this for myself, – I just don’t know the HOW-part. Being in therapy for almost 2 years, seeking counselling from psychics just as long, I’m still struggling, it hurts to the core.
Sometimes ashamed for ‘not being strong/mature/responsible’ enough, sometimes encouraged by the spiritual growth I’ve gone through, both the positive and negative stays with me temporarily, then I find myself back into the black hole. The hurt this man caused is deeper than the deepest sea.
I don’t get comfort or understanding from the saying: “We grow through sufferings”. Although, I agree, it is certainly true, I’ve gone through many sufferings before, they’ve all changed me, either I learned something (a lesson) and/or ‘got to know myself’ better through the process. I don’t feel or agree that this man HAD to hurt me in order to accomplish this by forcing myself to look at how I needed to take responsibility for my actions. In this case, it wasn’t necessary, it didn’t have to be that way. I say this because as in AC’s situation, we too have strong karmic ties, past lives together. It is not simply the (un-desired) outcome I’m lamenting on. I keep feeling that there is no need to pull someone down, rob their heart, causing them to question their qualities in the name of “I’m here to teach you a lesson for your own sake”.
I am taking your advice to heart, Red, and very much grateful for shedding some light to this difficult healing process.
Is there anybody out there who could add anything else to this? I could use every tiny bit of help!
God’s Blessing, With Love!
Thank you so much red!!
I too just got out of a tumultuous relationship. The negative effects it had on me far outweighed the positive. But even though I knew that, I still couldn’t let go of him or the relationship. The memories, good and bad, were ruling my life. I just couldn’t seem to find closure. Thank you for helping me to see how to move forward.
cat ~ tennessee
AC your story is sad and your pain so obvious, but I agree with Red. You are almost out the other side of it, and a good strong person by the sounds of it!! Your story is giving me hope too, because for the last 2 years I have been in a quandry, I just need to find the strength you have, and break away from it, because the pain of living with the current mess, cannot be much worse than the pain of living without it I am sure. It isnt a fun time, but I think these things get thrown in our paths to teach us we are never too old to learn and evolve, and I hope god/ess continues to bless you and give you the strength to keep going forward, not backwards, and well done to you. Your story has given me hope so thank you so much for sharing. xx