Sex Q&A: How to Read Mixed Signals

Stephanie from Alabama asks:

I’m having boy issues. Normally, I would be the type to avoid relationships and such. But now I’m confident, so I’m flirting with almost every guy I think is attractive. I think that I have a great personality and that I’m pretty, but at the same time it seems that all guys want nowadays is sex. Should I keep flirting with guys and not give them what they want or should I get the experience?

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Stephanie. First, let me congratulate you on your new-found interest in the game of amore. Confidence and self-respect are key to any sane and solid foray into the realm of romance. Without them one will flounder and fall prey to the jackals at every turn. It’s always best to work on one’s own self, before ever deciding to attempt to become part of a couple. And even when it comes to casual sex, it’s the hang ups, the insecurities and uncertainties left unexamined, that make a mess of everything. We all have fears and flaws, but a clear knowledge of your own issues will contribute a great deal to your ultimate success in any romantic endeavor. Good for you on having broken out of your cocoon in order to explore the possibilities.

From now on it’s best to remember that it’s all a show. It’s a ritual… a drama… and it’s virtually impossible to say with any kind of certainty why we seek what we seek and how we know what we know. On a very rudimentary level, it’s just genetics and chemistry; the drives sublime and primordial. But we are complicated apes. The answer to your question will be unique to your personality. To your style and your own unconscious goals. I have to wonder a bit as I consider it. You seem to want a serious commitment on one level while harboring some keen sexual curiosity on another, and I feel that you’re confused because the different aspects of your personality have very different needs. Let me assure you that there’s nothing wrong with that. For some reason, we like to think of ourselves as very singular beings, all neatly categorized and contained. The truth is we’re anything but. We are fluid. We are raw energy, always in motion, with myriad aspects of Self. Your confusion with the situation just shows that you are paying attention to you.

All I can really say is: why can’t you have the best of both worlds? Why does it have to be one or the other? Just go on out there and follow your body and your heart. Take the time to really experience the person you’re with at any given moment. Some guys, you might be very into on a purely sexual level, while other guys might interest you on many different levels. Some you might only ever see once or twice. And some you will date without going anywhere near the bedroom for a long time. And still others might evolve into close but platonic friends. The point is it’s all cool. I’ve known many a confident woman who had her boy toys on one hand while also maintaining a relationship or two with other men she didn’t sleep with as she took her time considering them for a serious long- haul. It’s all Lady’s Choice, as it always is, and women who conduct their lives this way are often seen as lucrative properties to obtain. Confidence and control are valuable commodities in this world. You already have good intuition; you just need to learn to trust it. Life is a feast, and it’s time for you to partake.

Liam

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