Maria asks:
Dear Liam,
I have a slight problem that I want to share with you in hopes that you can enlighten me. I dated a man who is five years my senior, and who I truly feel I fell in love with over a very short time of dating (only a month and a half). One day we were doing fine and I was saying good-bye to him, because he was going on a short vacation. The next thing I know, he comes back and tells me he’s gotten into a financial bind and would understand if I didn’t want to see him again.
Needless to say, I took it lightly at first and didn’t think anything of it. I said I would understand if he took care of his problem first and then we could see each other again. I had a return letter saying that he felt I was not understanding him, that he felt I was very angry and that it was over.
I, in return, got upset and called him a bad name. I went over and picked up my things. Later, I apologized profusely, and have always felt that this was the deal breaker between us. We have since talked, and said we would take it slow and keep in touch. However, I’m always the only one texting first, although I do get a response. I feel like I’m the only one trying, and it’s tiring.
I’ve joined a dating service, which is where we met in the first place – and, lo and behold, he’s on there again. This is after he told me he has no money for a girlfriend and can’t leave his home because of restrictions. I know what most would say: “Move on!” Believe me, I’m doing my best. I just want to know if holding my own and calling him that name was the deal breaker. Did he not understand that sometimes we say things when we’re angry with each other? Also, what do I do or what should I expect if he does come back? What chance is there really for a couple that has gone through something like this?
I thought I was dating someone that was compatible with my birth sign – he’s a Libra and I usually get along with people of this sign.
Liam’s Response:
Greetings, Maria. Thank you for your question. As I explore the energy of this situation, I’m reminded just how much our reality depends on individual perception. One person finds a situation to be one thing, while it’s quite different to someone else. I think your Libra fellow would have a very different version of the tale you’ve told. This is no one’s fault. We all relay information through highly subjective filters. Hopefully, I can help you gain some objectivity as well as better sense of how romantic entanglements tend to operate.
This man came to you with a primary sexual intention. You were attractive and willing to meet him. He was not entirely adverse to the idea of a relationship, but men tend to view that kind of commitment as something that develops over time. To complicate matters, this man is a Libra. Indecision is the name of his game. He isn’t about to couple quickly or come to any kind of decision about anything until he is darn good and ready. However, you claim to have fallen deeply in love within a month and a half, telegraphing your intentions for this to be a lifelong romance far, far too early. You may not have professed your expectation in so many words, but men can sense a woman bent on nailing them down at a hundred paces. Your Libra found himself standing firmly in the cross-hairs, and he bailed. His ruse regarding a financial difficulty was just his version of a gentle let down. Believe me, when a man says to you, “I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me,” what he’s really saying is, “I don’t want to see you.” I have an idea it’s a game he’s played before and will very likely play again. Someday, some practical gal is going to size him up and take her good old time reeling him in. When she does, he’ll probably settle down with her. Unfortunately, most will move too quickly.
My advice is to let him go. You calling him bad names was not the deal breaker. He was waiting for any excuse to cut you loose. Just move on and keep moving. Next time around… go slow. The minute a man ever “needs time” to deal with some issue or wants to “take a break,” boot him straight to the curb. Life’s too short for that sort of nonsense. Sorry to be such a downer, but I really think this hard-won knowledge will be an asset in the future. An opportunity to use it is already on the way.
Liam
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