Joanne from London, England asks:
I’ve told my husband that I give our relationship (of twenty-seven years) another three months. Is he taking me seriously, or is he just living in that bubble and hoping I’ll change my mind and fall back into the same old ways as soon as he says he loves me? Please help, as I feel and think I would get along with him much better if I were on my own, and we have a friendship and mutual respect of the children.
Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Dear Joanne,
Your husband certainly is holding on to the hope that you are going through some kind of phase, and that things will settle back into the patterns of “normal.” However, he is paying attention to what you are saying. While he doesn’t want many aspects of your lives to change, he also doesn’t want to lose you or let you go.
In some ways, your relationship has very much run its course, but in other ways, this is a very sincere opportunity to rekindle a more personal connection between the two of you. In his own way, your husband does love you, even if it isn’t in an overwhelmingly romantic or harmonious way. Likewise, you care about this man very much, even though you aren’t necessarily in love with him any longer.
I see things changing for the better for the two of you, but it is because both of you are working toward improving the relationship. Don’t be afraid to voice your needs and opinions. I rather want to encourage you to do so, because he is finally listening.
I am not seeing a severance or divorce for the two of you. Quite the opposite. Even though you may dream of being on your own and independent, it is a move that you aren’t entirely prepared to make. Because things will improve between you and your husband, you will extend your three-month deadline, and continue to give your relationship, and family, a chance. Surprisingly, by April of 2011, things will have progressed enough that your relationship will be brightened by feelings of desire and a bit of romance.
Hang in there!
Brightest Blessings,
Red ext. 9226
One thought on “Red Responds: Is He Taking Me Seriously?”
what i render here may not be specifically relavant to Joanne… somehow I hope it will be in some way constructive to your relationship steering towards the path of recovery…
i’ve been married for some 20 years now. today, my relationship with my wife is ever strong. I dun have much secret to harness this relationship over all these golden years. But i do know that in any relationship, just as we all needed 2 hands to clap, we have to always recognize the importance of working towards a common good between 2 people, always accommodating, being passionate about ding things for each other even though it may just be a simple and insignificant act.
As we all know there’s no perfect relationship, this gives us more reason to persevere towards living a relationship when the inherent inperfection within, gives us all the unopposed opportunities to live a more passionate life, engaging each other while being instrumented in ever forgiving ways. Efforts need to come from both parties, and unconditional too.