Be Careful what you Wish for…

On May 13th, a full moon in Scorpio will stir sexually charged energies and awaken an appetite for drama and instability. Consciously or subconsciously, you may be tempted to make bold, even reckless choices in your love life. But be careful what you wish for. You may find soon yourself reflecting longingly on the peaceful days of single life.

When you’re single, the world is lousy with happy couples. They smile at us from commercials, films, and — as we strive to grin gracefully in return — from the faces of our married and otherwise coupled friends. In the face of this relationship-related bliss, it’s easy to find yourself longing for someone to complete your own couple. We’re human, and so are blessed with an innate desire to be loved, and to love another. Just don’t fall into the old trap of latching on to a someone just to have a somebody. In other words, don’t put the relationship before the person. Once the pixie dust settles and you get those distracting stars out of your eyes, you may find yourself paired with someone you never knew you wanted, because, well… you didn’t.

How do you know when you’re coupling for the sake of coupling? It’s not always easy to assess what we really want. Here’s an exercise you might try: mentally remove all the social incentives to coupledom — dinner parties, double dates, even discussing him with your friends. Then forget about anything having to do with sex. (Don’t panic. It’s only an exercise.) Do you still find him attractive? Is this a person with whom you want to share your thoughts, your feelings and your time?

This one is a little simpler: make a list of ten things that you like about him. If you have trouble naming just ten qualities you admire or that intrigue you about him (and, no his killer abs do not count), ask yourself: what is it about being with him that appeals to you? If it’s the “being with” part, and not him, it’s probably time to reassess your motivations.

The landing of a long-time crush is a special breed of getting what you wish for. And it is fraught with its own kind of disaster. The initial rush is amazing, but it isn’t long before the adrenaline rush subsides. When it does, you might find yourself wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into.

The longer you pine for a person, the more momentum the fantasy gains in your head…and the harder it is for reality to live up to it. It’s what psychologists call “the halo effect,” and it’s a recipe for short-term bliss and long-term let-down. You’ve spent so long wanting him, your interest has become more of a fact than a living, genuine feeling. That’s dangerous, because reality always catches up. If there’s no real substance to your connection when it does, it will leave you confused and unsatisfied.

Studies show that single people are happier than people in unsatisfying relationships. And when you rush into a relationship because all messages are telling you you’ll be happier when you’re hitched, you’ve all but guaranteed yourself a pairing of the unsatisfactory variety. Take your time. Even aside from the very valid argument that there’s a lot to love about being single (your coupled friends may be looking enviously at you), real connections happen naturally. Love has a way of eluding you when you’re looking for it, and blowing you — and your best laid plans — away when it’s the last thing on your mind.