Do They Suck in Bed?

Come on, admit it. You’ve been out with friends, met someone and then, armed with their phone number after they’re gone, hypothesized with your buddies about how they’d be in the sack. It’s something we all wonder – particularly in the early stages of dating when we’re just feeling each other out as potential partners.

So how can you tell if the person you’ve got your eye on will make a good lover? That depends on what you like! But the good news is, taste aside, you can tell if they’ll be a universally bad one. Here are five clues your date will make a lousy bed mate.

Not at home in their own skin?
Most of us would change something about our bodies if we could. But if you’re sitting face to face with someone who seems downright uncomfortable with themselves, you might have cause to worry. Excess surgeries, too much makeup, overly-sexy (but can’t carry it off) clothing, fear of eating more than a lettuce leaf. The person who tries too hard usually doesn’t have the experience or self-esteem to both give and receive pleasure (equally important qualities in the boudoir).

Too good to be true
The ability to let loose is key to good sex. And a person without vices – someone who seems perfect and takes their perfection quite seriously – is likely going to need things to be equally perfect (read: “their way”) between the sheets (which will be 1,000 thread count, be sure). People who see themselves as model human beings and thereby judge everyone else for their so-called shortcomings are rarely in touch with the world. And when it comes to sex, being judgmental and devoid of any naughtiness (even if it’s a love for ice cream at breakfast) actually translates to frigid – or at least rigid. And what kind of fun is that?

A roving eye
Some might say that the more people someone checks out, the higher their sex drive. Is that true or is it a front? The reality is that if you’re on a date with someone and they don’t have the courtesy to stay focused on you – a passing glance at a pretty person doesn’t count, by the way – then they probably won’t have much regard for you in bed either. If satiating their own appetite is all that’s on their mind, you’re better off looking elsewhere for a partner.

Misogynists or man haters
Anybody who thinks they understand the opposite sex – and doesn’t celebrate the differences while understanding that both genders are equally intelligent, emotional and important beings, might as well give up on ever being a truly great lover. And you might as well give up on them – sooner rather than later.

What did you say?
Whether it’s about sex or about dinner, the person who asks no questions has little interest. Little interest means little connection. Little connection means… well, this person may not actually be a bad lover… but they’d be a bad lover for you.