Great Sex: It Takes Work

You’re dying to get back to a regular sex life with your partner after a long cold, dry spell between you. You may be afraid of rejection… but you’re itching to fan the flames of desire somehow. How can you subtly get some sparks going in hopes that you might eventually reconnect sexually?

“The truth is that the bedroom can become a place of extreme anxiety if your sex life has been on hiatus,” reveals Liam ext. 9290, a psychic advisor in matters of sexuality. “It’s almost easier for people to give up on a relationship over no sex, because of the pressure they feel to perform. I often hear people say it would be easier to break up and resort to a series of one night stands… than attempt to commit to working on their sex life with their spouse or partner.” His suggestion then, for couples faced with this daunting scenario? “Find a way to get through the bedroom door together without any expectations of a grand finale.”

Liam offers a list of playful ideas to mingle your sexual energies, learn to move in sync and eventually reconnect.

Find your rhythm!
There’s an unconscious rhythm to everything we do. Heartbeats, our breath, and the way we move and speak. How you relate sexually is a sharing of your energies with rhythm and movement. Think back to the rhythm you had with your partner when you did have a sex life. Was it in sync? Most likely not completely, the psychic suggests. Odds are that is part of what caused the snafu in the bedroom in the first place.

To start the process of reigniting your passion, learn to breathe in sync with your partner. Watch them sleep and mirror their inhalations and exhalations. Practice simple exercises to help you both relax. Face each other, sit cross-legged, hold hands. Follow each other’s patterns. “The point is you don’t have to say we’re doing this to prep for sex,” Liam points out. It will become an unconscious rhythm between you.

Once you’ve mastered simple connection (or at least tried it!), take things up a notch. Dancing can re-awaken your sexual core, in fact, it’s one of the fastest ways to get physically synchronized. After all, moving to primal beats is sexy – people love to watch Dancing with the Stars for a reason! Play music you used to listen to together and ask your partner to dance with you. If you’re feeling shy, say (something like), “I haven’t danced in so long – it’s great. You’ve got to try it!” Then watch them move and mirror their motion… you’ll probably find you start moving together.

Go out and play
Instead of complaining, “You don’t touch me anymore!” get out and play in a way that encourages contact. “Why do people fall in lust at the gym,” Liam asks rhetorically. “Because it’s sweaty and sexy!” Throw a football or a Frisbee, shoot some hoops. Walk together in synch, matching each other’s stride.

Choose an activity that encourages physical contact and will inspire you to touch your partner (and vice versa). It may be uncomfortable at first (without frequent contact, each of you may be uncertain about what the other wants), but you’ll get used to it. Make eye contact. Flirt shamelessly as you play. You can be shy or embarrassed about what’s going on, but you are planting tiny seeds for moving together in more sensual ways down the road.

Get caught
Finally, if you want to inspire your partner to think of you in sexy ways, leave a lusty book around. Get caught watching Real Sex, or a movie like Lady Chatterly’s Lover, the 2008 subtitled version. Follow your partner with your eyes as they move around the house until they notice. Then tell them how they make you feel or how they reminded you of someone they admire. If you’re feeling bold, get comfortable in front of the fireplace, turn the lights down and claim to be chilly. Then pat the couch and ask your partner to sit with you a moment. There’s something highly erotic about a fire. If you have an outdoor fire pit, that’s even better. Roast marshmallows, share them. Get gooey.

By making them aware of your desire in these subtle ways, you allow your energies to mix and meld in increasingly erotic ones… that eventually lead to the bedroom. There, Liam reminds, it’s vital to keep your mood light and expectations in check. “Whatever happens, even if you just hold each other, it’s more than what was going on before – and it’s a step in the right direction!”

Look for Part 3 next Thursday as Liam helps couples who have suffered from a sexless marriage, achieve a happy ending.