Tell Us What You Think

2 thoughts on “Tell Us What You Think”

1. Florence May 28, 2010 at 4:31 am

   My husband and I have been married for 40 years having been together since I was 17. Just after the birth of our first grandchild and having experienced financial difficulties with his business, he embarked on an affair with his secretary. This relationship is now over and he assures me that he has no feelings for her whatsover. We are now divorced but having realised that we both still want to be together and never stopped loving each other, we are trying to make a fresh start.

   Sexual relations are proving to be very difficult for him as he says he feels very guilty and embarassed. I am trying to be patient as I love him very much and want this to work, but I feel this is a very important hurdle that we need to get over.

   What would you suggest I do to help him as I feel it needs to be a complete relationship.

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2. John M May 10, 2010 at 9:42 am

   I have been following this article intermittently and want to get some feedback on my feelings.

   Me and my wife, have been together for the last 12 years. We had not so normal marriage, families disagreement and then my career change in the beginning of our marriage, where I had to do catching ups, travel etc. During that period, both of us had sex but not daily, may be 1-2 times a week. We had some romance in the beginning but not enough where I was complimenting my wife and she had my undivided attention.

   Then with our first kid, our relationship together, intimacy, romance and sex took a back seat. My daughter came down with Asthma at the age of 1 and then she has few emergency visit which were life threatening. Sex, romance and intimacy took a back seat in my life( that is what I feel). We had sex, but romance was not there, it was more of a 10-15 mins stand in the bed room. I did took care of my wife for all her other needs but didn’t read her desire that she wanted intimacy, holding hands, late night pillow talks, some private time.

   Now, I may seem to be a nut head but the way I feel all this went down hill is because of my wife’s yelling and screaming at me. She tends to get upset for small issues, kids not fed, forgetting to do things on occasion etc. She doesn’t do well under stress and occasionally an small conversation would turn up into heated arguments. During the argument times, I tend to shut up which in turn was taken as silent treatment. The reason of me bringing this is to understand her claim that people still have sex within hrs.

   Now, at this point, when I realize what we went though together, where I had dropped a ball and want to start afresh again and make up for all that was lost, all my conversations with her ends up as “so what happened in the last 10 years, how can I forget what happened, I cannot overcome those days etc. .. I have tried to get your attention but have failed etc. “. I asked her that only way we can make this work again is by not bringing what happened before but focus on what we can do to change it, but she feels it is too late to do that, she has completely lost interest in me and feels that I may be using this as an excuse to carry on being father to my kid and continue a lifeless marriage. She told me that I am everything a woman would desire but I have no urge for intimacy, love, romance and sex.

   My explanation to her is that, I do have mix of all, I can cook well, take care of the kids, focus on my work and also take care of her needs but when I get compared with people who only take there wife as a sexual object then it is not a fair comparison.

   What should I do at this point, try to fix it , if so how OR take the other road which I don’t want to as I do care of her a lot for who she is .. ?

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