The Sexual Secret

Sex should be easy, right? Should. What a word.

The one simple truth is that life is complicated. And sex, one of humankind’s most pleasurable and necessary activities (think about it – it’s a requirement for the proliferation of our species), is also complex, and influenced by many factors. If you’re one of the zillions of couples who feel as if their sexual spark has – poof – magically disappeared, it can be seriously disheartening. But there may be one factor that can positively change things…

Common ground, role-playing and erotica
The good news is, most of the time we can get it back. And there’s one really easy place to start: find common ground! Let’s face it, for better or worse (worse, really, but who’s judging?), many people – women in particular – are embarrassed about sex and sexual situations. So, while incorporating some erotica (books, videos, whatever) or revving up for some role-playing would probably help heat things up (and those are just two examples), are you really willing to go there? If you are – congratulations, they’re both great ideas and you’re ahead of the sexually frustrated crowd! But if you’re a little bit more shy about such sensitive subjects, you might continue to work on bringing out your inner Scorpio – yet remember the often-overlooked sexual secret that even the least sexual of acts enjoyed together can jump start your sex life!

Shared passion
Remember that whole complicated life thing? Well it’s true. In addition to raging hormones, there are reasons that teenagers always want to get it on – for starters, they’ve got the time! As adults, we often find that our responsibilities get in the way of “recreational” activities. We get tired, and there is only so much time in any given day. Sadly, sex is often lower on the priority list than our hobbies – since we see those as stress relievers. God knows, we need all the stress-relief we can get! News flash, everyone! Sex is a stress reliever. And if you fear you’ve lost your attraction to your mate, think again. You might just need to see them in the light of something else – something the two of you both love!

Get out!
Whether you get out the Sunday crossword, go on a sunset hike, spend a day on the water, or savor a bottle of really nice wine after work, find something that you love to do together. And do it – the more often, the better! But do it with the expressed intention of keeping things lively, not making them routine. The goal is to see new things in each other (and find a new way of being intimate), in order to rev up your physical intimacy.

Just your imagination
Find ways to change things up. Pretend you are on a first date, and flirt with each other. Arive another half hour for that more-scenic beach. Keep an eye out for the newest restaurants to try. Plan a trip to a gathering of similarly inspired people – even if it’s just for a weekend. Whatever your passion is, give it emphasis in your relationship. Send each other email when you learn new things about that shared interest. Make an event out of an ordinary date. Create the feeling that you’re a team in this one area, and you’ll be surprised at what happens in others. You’ll bond. Then all the excitement you create for (fill in the blank) sports/antiques/food/adventure will translate to the bedroom … and if you’re at all adventurous, way beyond!