What to Look For in a Partner

You’ve heard the advice before… make a list of the traits you want in a partner, be the partner you’re looking for to attract them, give the nice ones a chance. And so much more. Well, we think there’s nothing like a little experience to give you the best insider advice.

So we’re revealing our deepest, most enlightened souls to help you decide what works for you based on what stage of life you’re at and what’s important to you – and a few other things. The only thing we all agree on is – never settle!

In my 30s…
As a woman in your 30s, looking for the right man can seem so ominous. There is so much pressure to settle down (at least in my family) and if you’re looking to have kids, get the process going before it’s too late – and all your eggs go on display with the ice age dinosaurs in the museum… noooooo! Yeah, you get my drift. So once I got off the societal, familial rollercoaster of pressurized expectations and dating, I broke it down very simply for myself. Who will make me happy? Whose company will I enjoy on a very regular basis?

So what qualities am I looking for? I will not deny that I like a “man’s man,” but I also need them to have a gentle heart to accompany that lion’s courage. What’s the swagger without the smarts, right? I need an intelligent partner who is creative and enjoys discussing all kinds of things – from politics to plays. Now, I’m a funny lady (I do standup comedy in Hollywood clubs) and I like a man who can enjoy humor, be humorous and laugh at himself – especially when things get rough.

Chemistry was not my best subject in high school, but it is a very important subject in matters of the heart. I don’t just mean physical, animal-like attraction – I mean emotional and mental chemistry, too. There needs to be enough so that the sparks keep things interesting, but not so much that we burn the house down. Someone who has a passion for life and compassion for people. A respect for others and a caring nature are key. This person needs to ultimately want a more long-term commitment – and potentially marriage.

I’ve always been the idealistic romantic, but in my 30s I now realize that, yes, love can conquer quite a bit – but timing is an essential ingredient to finding someone who is on the same page, and headed in the same direction. Ideally we will both keep evolving as individuals and a couple. And, sure, if I’m going to ask for what I want… tall, dark and handsome all make the list!

In my 40s…
The key to a successful love connection in my fairly notable experience is that, first and foremost, your connection must be one of total adoration. You must adore your partner, and they must adore you! I have learned that if your guy does not absolutely see you as the “be all and end all” of his feminine desires, he’s not going to stick around. That means your lover knows how to really listen to you and respects what you have to say – and they let you lead your life as you choose. Yet they can stand on their own two feet and defend their own ideas, passions and politics, which will not always be aligned with yours. Yet their core human values should be exactly where yours are.

Personally, I need someone who is adventurous – likes to travel, is creative in the bedroom, and will try new food. They should also love art, music, laughter, good design and photography (this may seem shallow to you – but if you’re an aesthetic person, it matters!). Oh, and a sexy British accent doesn’t hurt. Fortunately I have just described my partner of 11 years!

In my 50s…
After years of tumultuous, exasperating, exciting, adventurous and sometimes contented commitments to a string of Mr. Rights, I now realize that I spent way too much time getting involved with what appeared to be exciting, handsome, rich, or just plain hot men – without analyzing how good the long-term fit might be.

Finally, I’m feeling as comfortable as a flighty Sagittarius can… that not only for this time in my life, but hopefully for the rest of it, I’ve found the man for me. It’s that phrase “for me” that I now understand is key. He’s a man who’s head I am compelled to cover with soft kisses as he sleeps, because his brilliant mind inside his curly-haired, balding head challenges and engages my own. He makes me laugh, and he makes me think. I learn from him. There is never a dull moment around our home, as we talk about our worlds and the world at large, and share a multitude of ideas and hopes and dreams. This is a man who will never stop growing – and dreaming, and doing. He’s not rich, but he’s handsome, in the way men are handsome when they’re in their sixth decade. He’s a bit self-centered, but he’s aware of it, and has his ways of making up for it. All he needs to do is draw me to him… we work together like two well-worn gloves.